Newseater - Adult Edition

Sure, “Whore-Chata!” is easily the best name for a porn film we’ve ever heard, but does the talent live up to the title?

Whore-chata

Studio: Adult Source Media
Director: Barret Blade
Cast: Sativa Rose, Brodi Kennedy, Kathleen Kruz, Jennifer Luv, Kat, Nick Manning

Pretty Peruvian Jennifer Luv gets the show started with a little striptease/interview. You know, the camera guy spares no segue getting from “Where are your parents from?” to “Let me stick this glass dildo in you.” Fortunately, Nick Manning swaggers in at that exact moment and shoves his dick in Luv’s mouth. Spit dripping off his cock, he spreads her on the fuschia leather couch and fucks her slow and hard, slapping her ass like Pete Townsend doing the windmill.

Kathleen Kruz calls herself “Hispanic” and doesn’t care to reveal a more detailed ethnic background. But if her history isn’t transparent, her fishnet shirt is (what’s with all the fishnet?). And her boy toy (none of the male talent is credited) certainly doesn’t care about ethnicity; Kruz fluently speaks the international language of cock sucking. The positions never get more daring than slow, somewhat blasé spooning on the yellow leather couch (what’s with all these couches?). The strokes never get too fast or deep, and before you know it, he’s popped on her face.

Want to know how to say “I’ll suck your cock” in Spanish? We can’t tell you, but Kat can. Kat looks extremely small sitting on her man’s lap, and her hot pink braces make her appear scandalously young (if not barely legal). Braces or not, she deepthroats that enormous cock with wild abandon. She keeps at least one hand on her clit at all times, rubbing and revving the little nub to ecstasy every two minutes or so. The guy can barely keep up with all her bubbly joy.

Brodi Kennedy takes a very serious approach to her interview: she answers simply and earnestly, takes her corset off with precise gestures, and doesn’t mention the disturbing chill of the cold glass dildo. Her poshness melts away with she gets with her man (who looks like the guy from Smash Mouth); as soon as he sticks his head between her legs, she starts whimpering and begging for more. By the time he’s ready to pop, she’s slid her hot ass all over the yellow leather armchair.

Finally we get to Sativa. You know she’s the star of the show because Blade fucks her with a fancy steel dildo instead of a glass one. Sativa’s oral skills are incomparable. They’re so fine, we even get a little POV time just to emphasize her sucking supremacy. Her man graciously spends ten minutes returning the favor, working Sativa into a horny froth. Truth be told, the sucking is better than the fucking, which just comes off as clumsy and improperly angled.

These five young women are all fabulously gorgeous and talented, but it feels like Barret Blade didn’t give them the attention they deserve. All he contributes to “Whore-Chata!” are endorsements for Phallix, the people who make the glass dildos. And when he drowsily says something like, “I tell ya, Phallix has done it again,” it just makes the whole thing seem cheap. If you’re going to have product placement in porn, it might as well be for fancy dildos. Still, it’s the one constant thing in the interviews, and the girls unanimously take issue with the products (they’re too cold, not lubed up enough, oddly shaped), so it just seems like a waste of time.

Annoying director aside, the sweet storm of Latina sugar makes “Whore-Chata!” worth watching. This is one DVD you can proudly display on your shelf (we really do love that name!).

· Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)

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Previously: Only The Best Porn Titles, Only The Best Pornstars

Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)
Buy “Whore-chata!” (tlaraw.com)

Original post by Ottimo Massimo

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Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Original post by Florabel Mulvaney

And while we’re in a complimentary mood, you also have a nice pair of boobs. We wanted to make sure we mentioned everything dear to us in this world: trainers and tits.

Before this, we had awkward crushes on these ladmag girls, now we just envy them. We’re used to seeing India, Daisy, and El Wood dogpile on top of each other, but now they’re wearing fly sneaks! And they get paid to do this? Not fair, universe.

· India Reynolds & Friends Topless In “Front” Magazine April 2010 HQ Scans (nebulasnudecelebs.blogspot.com)

Original post by Ottimo Massimo

Pamela Jean Bryant (classicporn.tumblr.com)

Original post by Ottimo Massimo

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“Oh, you know,” she said. “My house was on fire so he came to rescue me but we sort of got distracted having sex. But we were totally safe, he used a condom.”

This could also be watched as a strange episode of CSI in which Johnny Castle is a fake fireman who sets houses on fire and then “rescues” the women trapped inside. Notice how he’s the only person who showed up to help? Oh yeah, he’s a real hero.

· Watch “American Heroes” right now! (hotmovies.com)
· Buy “American Heroes” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Ottimo Massimo