Newseater - Adult Edition

When I met the Vergenza Mk. 1, I was pretty impressed. After all, it’s not every toy that can give a girl an orgasm and brutally bludgeon any attackers (just like any good boyfriend!).

But then the njoy Eleven came into my life, and, well, I must admit I went astray. Compared to the Eleven’s eleven inches of joy, the Mk. 1’s mere 8.5 inches just came up a little short. The Mk. 1 had been outclassed.

But the good folks at Vergenza haven’t taken this challenge lying down: in response to the Eleven (or maybe just to the pleas of size queens around the world), Vergenza has created the Imperial, their very own eleven inch mega dildo.

In many ways, the Imperial is just like the Mk. 1—same materials, same shiny surface, same bumpy ridges and sleek handle—it’s just a whole hell of a lot bigger. So big, in fact, that it’s best reserved for serious size queens (or at least people with a great deal of lube and even more patience).

Only time will tell where the giant metal dildo of doom wars will take us next. One thing’s for certain, though: it can only lead to more orgasms (or maybe a busted cervix).

· Buy the Imperial (inspiredbyvergenza.com)
· Vergenza: Inspired Erotica (inspiredbyvergenza.com)

· Buy the Imperial (inspiredbyvergenza.com)
· Vergenza: Inspired Erotica (inspiredbyvergenza.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

What can you do with a suction-cup dildo? Oh, lots of things (all of them indecent). You can turn your table into a fucktable, your door into a fuckdoor, your shower wall into a fuckshowerwall…

Basically, whatever you can suction the cup to, you can fuck. But would you want to? That was the question that lingered in my mind as I examined the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6.

I’ve always been skeptical of suction cup dildos. Frankly, they seem like a bit of a ruse—something that seems good on paper, but is ultimately worthless once you get it out of the box.

But one should not judge what one hasn’t fucked, no? And so it was that I welcomed the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 into my life with open arms er, legs.

The Pleasure No. 6 is a solid, mid-sized silicone dildo with, yes, a built-in suction cup base. It’s not the biggest kid on the block, but it’s well-proportioned and solid—a quick trip into my parts revealed that, suction cup or no, this was a toy worth spending some time with.

But back to the suction cup.

Now, the idea of fucking my table was wildly unappealing—and not just for hygiene reasons. Frankly, the whole thing seemed like a devious plan to get me to squat (which is not something I take kindly to). I could see similar issues with sticking the dildo onto a wall, as the logistics of fucking in such a set up just seemed, well off. Most positions would be out, indeed, the only thing that seemed plausible would be to, well, back that azz up onto said wall mounted dildo.

I decided to give it a shot.

I happen to think that sex in the shower is one of the greatest things ever (or at least the greatest use of the shower), so I figured that if I was going to fall in love with the Pleasure No. 6 anywhere, it was going to be, yes, in the shower.

With the water running and the Pleasure No. 6 in hand, I encountered a problem I hadn’t anticipated. How, exactly, was I supposed to know where on the wall to affix the dildo? How would I know what was the proper height at which to fuck myself?

I took a guess, I was way off. After a few more stabs in the dark, I realized something rather brilliant: rather than blindly attaching the dildo to the wall, and then attempting to fuck it, I could insert the dildo into my parts first, then proceed to attach it to the wall, uh, vaginally.

Once I had the dildo in place, I proceeded to, yes, back that azz up. And, well—look, I’m just going to say it point blank: I was wrong about suction cup dildos.

Being suctioned to a wall afforded the dildo a serious amount of resistance, which resulted in a seriously great fuck. I could thrust away with abandon—the dildo wasn’t going anywhere. It was glorious. It was mind opening. It was life changing (well, sort of).

But there’s no way I’m ever fucking a table.

· Buy the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 (babeland.com)
· Ophoria Toys (ophoriatoys.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

I’ll admit it: I made a rookie mistake with the Oui. I judged a book (well, vibrator) by its cover.

But how could I not? It was just so shiny! And metal! And heart-shaped! if anything, it looked more like a very girly lighter than a sex toy—and though I am not a smoker, I do have a soft spot in my heart for very girly lighters. And discreet vibrators. So I took the bait and asked for one.

I knew pretty much immediately that it was probably a mistake. I’m a girl with a taste for complex, mutlifeatured toys, and the Oui was clearly a vibe for the minimalist set. But I decided to give minimalism a fair shake. Maybe I’d develop an appreciation for the simpler side of life?

Alas, it was not a match made in heaven. Though the Oui was decently powerful, I just couldn’t get past the fact that it was a flat, vibrating piece of metal that balanced awkwardly against my clit. A flat, vibrating piece of metal that balanced awkwardly against my clit—with only one vibration speed. With a sad sign, I put the Oui away.

There’s a heart-shaped hole in my heart, kids. If only this one could have worked out.

· California Exotic Novelties (calexotics.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

I’ll admit it: I made a rookie mistake with the Oui. I judged a book (well, vibrator) by its cover.

But how could I not? It was just so shiny! And metal! And heart-shaped! if anything, it looked more like a very girly lighter than a sex toy—and though I am not a smoker, I do have a soft spot in my heart for very girly lighters. And discreet vibrators. So I took the bait and asked for one.

I knew pretty much immediately that it was probably a mistake. I’m a girl with a taste for complex, mutlifeatured toys, and the Oui was clearly a vibe for the minimalist set. But I decided to give minimalism a fair shake. Maybe I’d develop an appreciation for the simpler side of life?

Alas, it was not a match made in heaven. Though the Oui was decently powerful, I just couldn’t get past the fact that it was a flat, vibrating piece of metal that balanced awkwardly against my clit. A flat, vibrating piece of metal that balanced awkwardly against my clit—with only one vibration speed. With a sad sign, I put the Oui away.

There’s a heart-shaped hole in my heart, kids. If only this one could have worked out.

· California Exotic Novelties (calexotics.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

It’s December: a time for year-in-review lists and holiday shopping guides. And so, in lieu of a sex toy review, this week we present a list of the top ten sex toys of 2008.

After a year of furiously fapping, what toys have left the strongest impression? What toys do I never leave home without—and which are gaining dust in the back of my dresser drawer? Read on and find out:

10) The We-Vibe: Combining vibration with the sexin’ always seems like a great idea—but for some reason, it never seems to work out quite right. Given the mechanics of sex, cock rings can’t offer a continuous source of vibration—and for some reason, no one’s thought of a better solution. Well, until the We-Vibe, that is. Though it may take some exploration to find out how it works best for you, it’s a wonderful way to add a little extra bump to your bump and grind.

9) The Bo: But if you’d rather stick with a cock ring, we can offer no better choice than the Bo. Unlike its cheap, gummy rubber counterparts, Bo is made of sterilizable silicone, and comes with a rechargeable battery. Clearly, a cock ring for the future.

8) The Babeland Nubby G: The Nubby G was my first love, Babeland’s phthalate free version provides the same wonderful thrills without the fear of toxic chemicals. Even better, it’s cheap! **BEST BUY**

7) The Curve: Until I met the Curve, I thought I hated dildos. With it’s beautiful, g-spotterific curves, this toy will have you singing its praises within minutes.

6) The Mia: Going on a trip, and worried someone will see you charging your vibe? The Mia can easily pass for a USB thumb drive… until you slip it between your legs. **BEST DISCREET TOY**

5) The Delight: With its delicious curves and many, many vibe patterns, this vibe most certainly is a delight—I just wish it had a simpler navigation system.

4) The Jollie: With it’s massive girth and unwieldy appearance, the Jollie may not be for everyone. But if you manage to work it inside your parts, you may find yourself transported to a place you never even knew existed.

3) The Eleven: Sure, we don’t all have $300 to spend on a dildo: but if you do, why not purchase a beautifully carved, 11 inch steel dildo? Think of it as an investment. **BEST LUXURY TOY**

2) The Gigi: Sleek, rechargeable, g-spot friendly, and with an adorable mod design, the Gigi’s fun to look at, fun to use, and offers some of the best controls ever seen on a dildo.

1) The SaSi: With all the hype and advanced press, I expected to end up heavily disappointed by the SaSi—what vibe could possibly that good? Yet with its innovative design, the SaSi managed to impress even this jaded reviewer, landing it the top slot in this year’s sex toy list.

Worst Toy Of 2008: G-Pilot: Whoever thought it was a great idea to make a small plastic shoehorn to guide the penis towards the gspot needs to take some anatomy lessons, stat.

The Gigi
The Curve
The Eleven
The Mia
The Jollie

Worst:

G-Pilot

Original post by Lux Alptraum