Newseater - Adult Edition

We don’t always love Wicked’s movies, but we do love their boxcovers. Probably because, like porn itself, they leave room for our wild imaginations to wander.

Here is Mikayla Mendez on the cover of “Sexy Bitch.” It’s like someone—maybe it was you?—called her a Sexy Bitch from the laundry room and she’s turning to say, “Who, me?” But now imagine that the blank white wall she’s not looking at instead had a directive that would change her life, like “Eat more ham,” “Jesus saves,” or “No fat chicks.”

What would you write? And what would you write it with?

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy “Sexy Bitch” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Look at the juicy and delicious April Flores on the cover of “Waist Watchers 4.” LOOK AT HER. That’s right: you’re not just looking at her waist; you’re looking at handfuls of other parts that, laid atop each other on a scale, would create an exuberant feeling in you greater than their weight. The Germans say it best when they call such women “zaftig.” But now you, like last week’s winner, must come up with a better term than the porn-standard BBW. Why? Because April Flores will cry if you don’t, and because Lufthansa is bankrupt.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy “Waist Watchers 4″ (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

The melon-scented squishings and sloshings of “Tunnel Butts” raised as many eyebrows as they did the front panels of our Toughskins recently, so we’re asking you, as simply as we possibly can, to come up with a better title for this movie featuring women with asses through which we’d like to drive our banana trucks. Could we find Busytown’s Bananas Gorilla for a quick graphical reference? No we could not. But that doesn’t mean you can’t spend the next week returning “tunnel” to Messrs. Lincoln, Eisenhower, and Hoosac.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy “Tunel Butts” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

“Like the semen that gets devoured – ‘Need for Seed 3′ is – HOT!” stammers the boxcover copy of this gem that features Internal Popshots, the kind of xuppage that doesn’t get all over the place until after you’ve gone and she needs to move from atop the record player (no doubt moved by a sign from God, as per last week’s winner). But aside from the fact that the site of Mya Nichole triggers an almost immediate breakdown of higher cortical functioning, there is nothing about her picture that suggests she wants hers on the inside. Your mission this week is to find an Internet picture of any stripe that screams “Keep it in-house.” You know, like how managers are chosen at UPS.

· Diabolic (diabolic.com)
· Buy “Need for Seed 3″ (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

First off, we were so impressed with last week’s efforts that we are moving to Philadelphia to fondle the left ball of Duncan Doughnut and perform an Ass Meld on our sneeze reflex. But it’s a new week in a litigious world, and Zero Tolerance has clearly forgotten about a certain lawsuit-happy Cupertino company in naming its latest “Apple Bottomz.” After all, one look at Gina Lynn and it’s an easy jump to “How many USB devices can I daisy chain from her ass? Like, 128?” Your job this week, then, is to rename this movie as if it were either a Beatles lyric or a computer product. Having trouble? Your mother should know.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy “Apple Bottomz” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante