Newseater - Adult Edition

San Francisco’s annual Arse Elektronika events sees the sexiest of the geeky (or the geekiest of the sexy) trying to outnerd each other with fabulous sexual inventions that are impractical, implausible, and exactly what you want for Christmas. It’s also a great way for tinkerers of this sort to experiment with new and wacky ideas. Like, say, a vibrator that’s hooked up to the U.S. Geological Survey and only buzzes when there’s an earthquake somewhere in the world: you just plug it in, turn it on, and … wait for a completely unpredictable natural disaster! Only trouble is that when your own “Big One” finally arrives, it’s tempered by the realization that a building might have collapsed somewhere with people trapped inside. Talk about a buzzkill.

If that’s not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a “tolerance limit” of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can’t use it. No one dies and you’re free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it’s probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the “Golden Kleene” award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We’re very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we’ve seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the “Perpetual Erection Machine”—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

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Desperate to show the world an up close and personal home movie, but a little too lazy and/or technologically disinclined to build your own dildo cam? Get your hands on the EyeDildo, a pretty little toy with a built in camera and cables to connect to your TV so you can see the action in real time! And if you’re curious to see how it works without having to find your own test subject, these two lovely ladies are more than happy to demonstrate. (Why you’d be that turned on by extreme cervical closeups is another matter entirely. But hey, to each his/her own!)

· EyeDildo (eyedildo.com, via slashdong.org)

Original post by Lux Nightmare

If you’re still prodding yourself with a giant robo-licker kicking yourself for missing San Francisco’s Arse Elektronika conference last year, not to worry: there’s a new call for papers for this year’s installment. We hear the theme this year is “Do Androids Sleep With Electric Sheep?”, though frankly we think the answer is fairly obvious. (monochrom.at, via slashdong.org; thumbnail via VSC)

Original post by Lux Nightmare

Scientists have developed a new computer system that can create 3D images that you “feel” with a special glove. Yes, the virtual handjob is within our grasp. (Come on, we were all thinking it.) (newscientisttech.com, via prometheus6.org)

Original post by FLESHBOT

In case merely looking at sexy furniture pics was leaving you a bit frustrated, you might be interested in this interview starring Fleshbot Gal Friday Violet Blue (we’re not sure which version), who went booty-to-booty with Slashdong’s qDot at SXSW in Austin last week to unveil his latest teledildonic invention: the Twitterdildonic sofa, which uses a text feed from the already buzzworthy Twitter miniblogging service in conjunction with a software-engineered Rez Trance Vibrator to create the world’s “first augmented reality couch”. Even though he modestly calls his new tech mashup “completely useless”, qDot has supplied the source code for anyone who wants to rig up one of these to replace that old Barcalounger in the living room—though all it takes is one look at Violet’s face while she’s sitting on the prototype during the interview to convince us that IKEA needs to start mass production on these things immediately. Who knows—it might even make sitting there looking at boring celebrity sex tapes all evening something to actually look forward to!

· “new getv episode: twitterdildonics and qdot” and “Twitterdildonic Stimulation” (QuickTime video @ tinynibbles.com + GETV)
· “Twitterdildonics” (slashdong.org)
· Twitter (twitter.com)
· “Mini-blog is the talk of Silicon Valley” (msnbc.msn.com)

Previously: The Ooh!, Porn Vegas Dispatch: Virtual Holes and Virtual Sticks, Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Delldo, The Wiibrator, Sexy Furniture by Mario Philippona, Sonny Black Dungeon Furniture, Italian Sex Chair, Furniture Porn Movie, More Furniture Porn

Original post by Fleshbot