Newseater - Adult Edition

“The Big Lebowski”’s Jackie Treehorn lamented the death of “feelings” in the advent of porn’s video age, but Dirty Harry can always be counted on to provide a scene with its emotional heart. Here he watches himself be cuckolded by his wife, Holly Wellin, and three strapping fellows of races that happen to be different from hers but have nothing to do with the theme of the movie. “Everybody in the neighborhood’s doing it,” he says, but ultimately regrets his decision. Be careful what you wish for, Dirty Harry.

· Chatsworth Pictures (chatsworthpictures.com)
· Buy “Mandinka Parties” (jerkoffzone.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Audrey Hollander is surprised when her yearly gyno checkup gets too familiar: “Any tenderness? Pressure?” The doctor asks about a hundred times. If I were Hollander, I would have had my HMO authorize anyone other than someone named “Dr. Probe.”

While the cover of “Dr. Probe’s Lab of Perversion: The Demon Gynecologist of the San Fernando Valley” promises a sardonic porn right up the alley of writer/director Jim Powers, Hollander’s scene is so awash with dark editing program background music that it’s hard to figure out if Powers intends us to laugh or just be creeped out; the cover suggests one, the movie suggests another.

The inappropriate gynecologist is certainly Porn’s version of the Nazi scientist, but we are made to wait to decide whether this is a fleshier version of “Little Shop of Horrors” or “Marathon Man.”

I talked with former AVN editor Rebecca Gray.

“Are you asking me if women think of gynecologists like the hot pizza delivery guy or pool cleaner?” she asked. “No. (The gynecologist’s office) is a different space for your head to be in.”

Hollander’s face registers growing alarm as the doctor takes his sweet time down there.

“I think I dropped something,” he calls, sniffing his fingers. He begins inserting all manner of objects.

“Is everything OK, Doctor?” she asks as he inserts a glass dildo in her anus. “I haven’t been sexually active in three months.”

“That’s a shame,” he says. Finally, we get to the porn.

Dr. Probe, after rolling up a fucking machine, does the job himself.

“Is it supposed to feel this nice, Doctor?” Hollander asks.

“Just a natural human reaction,” he says. “The instruments can only do so much.”

I finally decided that the movie was a comedy and just the soundtrack needed to go. Kudos to Hollander who did a nice slow burn, and to Powers for trusting an audience with a longish scene.

Next up is Sindee Jennings as the patient and Seth Dickens as Dr. Probe. The production does not skimp on medical equipment. Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman.

“I’m actually feeling a little bit uncomfortable, Doctor, “Jennings says. “It just feels like you’re doing the same things over and over and over.”

What makes this movie earn an A for effort is its token attempts to make things look on the up and up for at least a minute or two.

That more or less goes out the window when quintessential porn dude Dirty Harry appears as Guatemalan Doctor to the petrified Cindy Crawford. He speaks Pig Spanish all the way through his scene and at this point the movie becomes high camp (which isn’t a bad thing).

Finally, Otto Bauer’s scene with Chelsea Rae retreads old ground, but it’s still funny. When the good Doctor is finished, he says, “Now get dressed, clean up, and fill out those insurance forms.”

This movie is highly entertaining as a collection of scenes that happen to take place in a doctor’s office, but something is added (especially in the early scenes) when lip service is paid to something real; that’s when “Dr. Probe” gets menacing.

- Review by Gram Ponante

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Dr. Probe’s Lab of Perversion

Studio: Powersville/JM
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Audrey Hollander, Sindee Jennings, Dirty Harry, Cindy Crawford, Otto Bauer, Chelsea Rae, Seth Dickens, Johnny Thrust

· Jim Powers (mrfilth.com)
· Buy “Dr. Probe’s Lab of Perversion” (jerkoffzone.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

A glossier counterpart to this recent Ashley Blue story is Penthouse Digital’s “Smut Peddler,” directed by Guy Capo. In three boxes that arrived at Fleshbot West within a week of each other were dark movies detailing the unraveling of the pornstar fantasy. Here Bree Olson (unlike Blue and Sasha Grey) keeps the sobs to herself while providing a paid service to Dick Nasty who, along with Dirty Harry, has been aptly typecast as the Seedy Older Gentleman. Instead, while her mouth screams “I’m coming!”, Olson’s mind screams “I hate you!”

For the sake of the nation, let’s hope that they’re faking that hatred, because the thought of them faking their orgasms is too much to bear.

· Penthouse (penthouse.com)
· Buy “Smut Peddler” (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

Original post by Gram Ponante

“I am going to take your fat, hairy balls in my ass because I like money,” says Ashley Blue in “Girlvert 16″, which I thought at first was a case of mistaken packaging. Who would expect from the boxcover the gripping family drama contained on the disc? Especially since Blue’s quote above was something she repeated at the command of her dad (Herschel Savage)? Normally I shy away from porn that is depressing, but this movie is dirty and depressing, especially when the central casting porn creep Dirty Harry comes by with “Mr. Wiggle”. Blue acts her ass off (upside down, in fact), but will she win anything? We will have to create our own awards show.

· Buy “Girlvert 16″ (jerkoffzone.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

Original post by Gram Ponante