Newseater - Adult Edition

We already know about the list of things pornstars will and won’t do; now thrill to a behind-the-scenes report about the list of who pornstars will and won’t do. Though we don’t get to see the actual lists, apparently persuing off-camera relationships and having too big a dick are among the most common reasons male talent find themselves on the No List for certain of their female colleagues, though if you’re a dolphin and the performer happens to be Roxy DeVille you have nothing to worry about. (thenaughtyamerican.com)

Original post by Fleshbot

We already know about the list of things pornstars will and won’t do; now thrill to a behind-the-scenes report about the list of who pornstars will and won’t do*. Though we don’t get to see the actual lists, apparently persuing off-camera relationships and having too big a dick are among the most common reasons male talent find themselves on the No List for certain of their female colleagues. But if you’re a dolphin and the performer happens to be Roxy DeVille, you have nothing to worry about. (thenaughtyamerican.com)

. . .

*Update Although we’re told it was “factually accurate”, we’ve also learned that The Naughty American was told to take the article offline—even if it didn’t mention any names on various stars’ “No Lists” besides the hugely hung Lee Stone (too big) and the ubiquitous Ron Jeremy (too gemütlich, apparently). Which of course makes us even more curious about these No Lists and why someone somewhere got bent out of shape enough to make The Naughty American dispublish the piece. (Not to mention more curious about why Roxy DeVille likes dolphins so much.) Anyone with further details or thoughts is invited to comment below or send ‘em our way.

Original post by Fleshbot

“I admired their soft slippery skin. It was just so exotic; I had never felt that way before. Looking at those soft underbellies and long slender fins was like seeing the face of God. I came out of my dolphin-induced trance and wiped the sweat from my brow. It was then that I realized that I had an aching erection.” Couldn’t invent a normal sounding fake problem like, “My penis is too big”? You just had to push it and go with the dolphin erection story, didn’t you? (salon.com)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

Sex toys manufactured as movie tie-ins is a concept we’re prepared to say Adam & Eve invented for this year’s “Eden” movie and series of products, though we can’t find documentation linking one to the other. Adam & Eve released “Eden”, a movie set on a tropical island, and “Eden Waterproof” vibrator sleeves shaped like seashells and dolphins. What are people supposed to think?

Far be it from us to tell you what to think, but one thought might be: “There’s a porpoise at my groin.”

Read our review of Eden’s Secluded Pleasures Kit after the gap.

“Playful dolphins swim alongside as you explore the exotic beauty hidden under the ocean waves hand-in-hand with your lover. Our friendly blue dolphin loves tickling you with either his nose or powerful double tail until your face starts glowing with pleasure.”

All right.

This toy and attachment set are perfect for that special friend who, like the Elves, is drawn to the Sea or, like Brandy of “You’re a Fine Girl” fame, can only feel close to her departed lover by using Flipper as a proxy.

Of course, with the battery-powered bullet lodged deep in its brain, the dolphin no longer looks playful and randy, but horribly mutilated. For this we gave up phthalates?

And whose idea was the “Sexy Seashell”? Who said, “Suggest something a crab once lived in and it will pay off big”?

We haven’t seen “Eden”, but we have read “Lord of the Flies”, and conch shells are fraught with meaning for us.

· Eden Secluded Pleasures Kit (adameve.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)

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Previously: MATK Archive

Original post by Gram Ponante