Archive for the 'Eric john' Category

Scenes From The Set Of "The Sex Files 2" [Upcoming]

Posted in behind the scenes, top, photo, hardcore, gallery, upcoming, AB, Kimberly Kane, straight, parody, You Are There, Rod fontana, new sensations, Anthony Rosano, Eric john, India summer, Jessi palmer on May 17th, 2010

Leave A Comment »

More Scenes From The Set Of "Seinfeld XXX 2" [You Are There]

Posted in pornstars, photo, hardcore, oral, anal, blowjobs, AB, straight, parody, You Are There, Kristina rose, Eric john, Mark wood, Gracie glam, Jeff koga on May 4th, 2010

Leave A Comment »

Sadly, Tori Spelling Doesn’t Star In “This Ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 XXX” [DVD]

Posted in top, photo, hardcore, gallery, dvd, review, AB, Hustler, Spoof, straight, parody, jenny hendrix, alexis texas, Madison ivy, Eric john, Alan stafford, chris johnson, Brad hardy, Alanah rae, Joey Brass, Tiffany Star, Parodyporn, Axelbraun, Mackenzie Pierce on January 21st, 2010

Aaron Spelling doesn’t hold the same casting power at Hustler that he does in other arenas.

This Ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 XXX

Studio: Hustler Video
Director: Axel Braun
Cast: Alexis Texas, Madison Ivy, Jenny Hendrix, Alanah Rae, Tiffany Star, Mackenzie Pierce, Chris Johnson, Joey Brass, Brad Hardy, Eric John, Alan Stafford

Like all episodes of “Beverly Hills 90210,” the movie opens in medias res during an angsty meal at the Peach Pitt (not the Peach Pit). Donna, played by Jenny Hendrix, is a cesspool of sadness, but the rest of the gang doesn’t care. Jake Hanson (Alan Stafford) just drifted into town and he’s looking for a job. Brenda (Madison Ivy, who looks just so much like Shannon Doherty it’s frightening) and Dylan (Joey Brass) are planning their trip to Mexico, trying to keep their vacation secret from Brenda’s folks. Steve (Brad Hardy) is looking for love, and about to lose Kelly (Alexis Texas) to someone else. The overstuffed plot seems like a lot to handle at first, but it thins out relatively quickly once everyone splits up to have sex, er, tackle some tough issues…

Hands down, Donna’s storyline is the best. I had my doubts at first; I thought this wouldn’t be worth watching if Tori Spelling wasn’t involved in a gangbang, but I was wrong. Not only does Jenny Hendrix beautifully capture Donna’s mouth-breather visage and stilted walk, she’s every bit as mopey as you could hope. She goes to get some advice from Mr. Walsh (Eric John), because her parents are getting divorced/dying of cancer.

“You know, Donna,” Mr. Walsh soothingly says, “your body is going through a lot of changes right now. Every girl fantasizes about having sex with their best friend’s dad.” Then he tells her to close her eyes and open her mouth. Mr. Walsh does this! Oh, Eric John, you’re the finest authority figure pervert in parody porn.

The only real disappointment was Brandon’s scene. Mackenzie Pierce and Tiffany Star—luckily the only added characters in the movie—walk into the restaurant after closing and seduce Chris Johnson. No real point to it. However, it does contain the only bit of anal sex in the film, jackhammer style, so that’s worth something. Honestly, beyond this one disturbance, I thought “This Ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 XXX” was surprisingly successful.

Why did this parody work? Like any decent teen drama should, the genuine “90210″ focused heavily on young people exploring relationships and sex. There’s a section in the Behind The Scenes footage in which superfan Alexis Texas recounts the important milestones of the show, and they’re all about hooking up, fucking, and breaking up. It may be an exaggeration, but it shows what left a lasting impression on viewers. The fact that Hustler took sex from the awkward pedestal Aaron Spelling placed it on and injected it into the warp and woof of daily Beverly Hills life actually made a difference. It was an appropriate act of subversion.

And I personally think some credit is due to the stylists, casting people, and (of course) performers. If a pornstar wasn’t the spitting image of her primetime counterpart, she was at least crazily oversexed in an appropriate way. Alexis Texas barely looks a thing like Kelly, but she had the greedy rich girl attitude. Alanah Rae’s boobs are far too bananas to be Andrea Zuckerman’s, but she fucks just like a girl who isn’t sure if she’s a MILF.

I know Hustler and Axel Braun didn’t really do much differently. They just stuck in the same sexual formula as always, and it happened to be more fruitful with this subject matter. Maybe this signals a more discerning eye for what to spoof in the future. Or maybe they just got lucky.

· Buy “This Ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 XXX” (gamelink.com)

* * * * *

Previously: The Beverly Hills Cure For Nearsightedness

Original post by Ottimo Massimo

Leave A Comment »

It’s Sort Of All Right, Cuz It’s “This Ain’t Saved By The Bell XXX” [DVD]

Posted in , top, photo, hardcore, gallery, dvd, review, AB, Spoof, straight, parody, Missy Stone, Misty stone, Nicole ray, Ralph long, Ally ann, Eric john, Ashlyn rae, Mikey Butders, Scott stone on January 8th, 2010

We heard they originally wanted to do “This Ain’t For Whom The Bell Tolls XXX,” but no one will finance a porn with Francisco Franco in it.

This Ain’t Saved By The Bell XXX

Studio: Hustler Video
Director: Axel Braun
Cast: Misty Stone, Missy Stone, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, April O’Neil, Ally Ann, Ralph Long, Mikey Butders, Eric John, Scott Stone

So, basically, the kids of Bayside High have jumped into another school year, and they’re all 18 now. Before the credits roll, some unnamed rogue flashes a random cheerleader (Nicole Ray) in the showers, and she sucks his dick. Post-facial, the bell rings and the mystery penis runs out of the girls’ locker room and past Lisa (Misty Stone), Kelly (Ashlyn Rae), and Jesse (Missy Stone). That’s about the most important detail. In other news: Screech (Ralph Long) wants Lisa, Slater (Mikey Butders) wants Jesse, and Zack (Scott Stone) wants Kelly.

In the typical parody porn style, Kelly and Zack have the last scene together. Although the tension between them builds throughout the movie, they don’t seem that eager to hump when it comes to it. Kelly arbitrarily decides to get changed for the dance (while sitting in the cafeteria, for some reason), and Zack automatically whips his cock out. I know it’s pointless to complain about the acting in a porno, but they should at least be able to act horny.

Also, a word about Eric John. Remember back when the Seinfeld porn came out? He was great in that (I thought)! He wasn’t necessarily funny, but he at least tried to embody the role of Kramer, er, “Crammer” in his cadence and spastic entrances. But since then, he’s consistently played the same sleepy stand-in with a big cock. His Principal Belding isn’t awful, but it’s saddening. As Sir Laurence Olivier said: acting is overacting, and Mr. Belding sounds like this.

The only things saving these non-existent bells are the extraneous female characters. Sure, it’s great to watch Screech bone Lisa instead of taking her to the dance, but that’s only because Dustin Diamond was out of the picture. The real heroes are Ally Ann, April O’Neil, and Nicole Ray.

Ally Ann plays some random chick who wants to screw Zack and Slater in the hallway for no good reason. Sadly, Zack chickens out because of his Kelly-fidelity. April (who needs to do more movies, even if she’ll only do lesbian scenes) plays an adorable activist nerd who has a finger -painting and -fucking session with Jessie. Nicole is that ubiquitous cheerleader, and not only does she suck the disembodied penis in the first scene, she’s also found underneath Mr. Belding’s desk while he’s disciplining some troublesome youths.

It’s a sad fact that parody porn writers have to rely on artificial fringe characters to make their movies work. I don’t think these extra bodies are inevitable, only that people find it hard to let them go. They’re exceptional (at least by proxy) performances make the main characters look dull, but hey, they give writers and actors a little more freedom and creativity, and a little less worry about keeping with canon.

Hey, writers! Maybe this means you’d be better without the parody.

· Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)
· Buy “This Ain’t Saved By The Bell XXX” (gamelink.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Zoiks! Screech Can Really Go

Original post by Ottimo Massimo

Leave A Comment »

Learn The Feminine Mystique From “Not The Brady Bunch XXX: Pussy Power” [DVD]

Posted in top, photo, retro, hardcore, gallery, dvd, review, humor, AB, ron jeremy, straight, parody, Lynn LeMay, Alana Evans, James Deen, Lexi Belle, mike horner, kacey jordan, Spoofs, Dane Cross, Will ryder, Tanner mayes, Nicole ray, Eric john, Kris slater, Dylan riley, Ashlyn rae, Mikey Butders, Seth gamble, Parodyporn on December 17th, 2009

Sure, this episode was good, but Will Ryder should probably move on before Cousin Oliver shows up.

Not The Bradys XXX: Pussy Power

Studio: LFP Distribution/X-Play
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Lexi Belle, Dylan Riley, Kacey Jordan, Alana Evans, Lynn Lemay, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, Tanner Mayes, Mike Horner, Kris Slater, James Deen, Mikey Butders, Ron Jeremy, Eric John, Seth Gamble, Dane Cross

On this episode of “Not The Bradys,” young Jan (now played by Dylan Riley) feels neglected by her family, teachers, and—most of all—the boys at her school. Little does Jan know that all she needs to get a little attention (or tickets to a concert, or good grades) is some Pussy Power. And with that skirting-the-edges-of-sexist comment, let the film begin!

Lucky for Jan, bad girl Tanner Mayes shows at the Brady Compound and wildly masturbates in her bed, which somehow introduces Jan to the world of mature decisions and sexual favors. Jan realizes that the key to Marcia’s success has always been blowjobs, and so her only hope of “being good at something” lies in emulating her big sister.

Meanwhile, everyone else is having sex, looking good in their ‘70s garb, maintaining erections and wholesome imagery, etc. Lexi Belle is the new Marcia, and she fits the role just fine. Her secret romp with the high school quarterback is not only inspirational to the viewer, but to Jan and Cindy as well.

On the male side of things, all is well. James Deen is still adorable as Peter. He somehow manages to look goofy and enthusiastic in the middle of his scene with Tanner, just like good ol’ Christopher Knight. Mikey Butders embodies the coy Bobby Brady just as well. His threesome with Ashlyn Rae and Nicole Ray is one of the finest in Brady family history. Except maybe for that one time Alice stumbled into Mr. and Mrs. B’s bedroom.

But hey, gang! There are some things more disappointing than Jan’s violin playing (insert laugh track here). They still haven’t delivered on that real, slow Sam the Butcher/Alice loving, although the characters talk about it non-stop. However, there is a simulated sex scene in which Alice ducks behind the kitchen island and Ron Jeremy pretends to be fellated most comically. Like most of the humor in Will Ryder parodies, this goes until it becomes awkward, keeps going, and then arbitrarily stops.

All in all, it feels like another Will Ryder movie: the sex is very good, the comedy is very bad, and everyone can feel ok about the lack of Brady-on-Brady boinking. The whole Pussy Power thing is something to think about. We always wondered how Carol convinced a man to take her and her three daughters in; “much more than a hunch” indeed.