Newseater - Adult Edition

As devoted fans of both “30 Rock” and the pornographic arts, we were rather excited for the release of “30 Rock - A XXX Parody.” Well, excited and scared. We’ve witnessed enough parody disasters to know what could go wrong.

“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” is not an unparalleled success, but it’s not a disaster, either: in the spectrum of porno parodies, it falls squarely in the middle. There’s a lot that’s good about the release, but there are also several areas in which in falls flat—and though it certainly gets the vibe of the show, one doesn’t come to the, ahem, climax feeling as those we’ve just watched an episode of “30 Rock”—but with sex!

First and foremost, the release packs a serious punch with some all-star sex scenes. Really, who among you would turn down the opportunity to watch Lisa Ann take on James Deen? Or—bless our souls—Erik Everhard teaming up with Rebeca Linares and Lana Violet…at the same time? Or Ashlynn Brooke doing anything? The sheer quality of performers included in this release is a wonder to behold—but really, that’s only to be expected.

Secondly, the plot—and set ups—are reasonably “30 Rock”-esque. Seeking to improve ratings on “The Chic Show,” Jake decides the sketches need to be sexed up (an idea inspired by sex with his girlfriend Alicia). Frustrated by Trey’s limelight-hogging, Jenny tries to convince writer Fred to feature her in a really good sketch (and by convince, we mean seduce). Peter fantasizes about the scantily-clad Cherry. Liz falls, once more, for her loser ex-boyfriend’s charms. And Ken—well, we’ll get to that in a second.

The humor is also reasonably “30 Rock”-esque. Though he’s no Tracy Morgan (uh, who is?), Bishop turns in a good performance as Trey, with more than a few jokes that made us laugh. (Want an idea of what we’re talking about? A good deal of the jokes make it into the trailer—so if that’s all you want, check that out on the feature’s website.)

And, of course, we have to give New Sensations props for incorporating secondary characters (especially Alicia/Elisa) into the plot, rather than simply inventing women to fill in the plans. Well, except for in Ken’s sex scene…but we’ll get to that in a second.

So, yes: Ken’s sex scene, which caps off the release, was probably our biggest disappointment—at least in terms of the porno actually bearing some resemblance to “30 Rock,” the show. Without going into too much detail, Ken’s sex scene is a dream sequence, once in which Ken fantasizes that he’s actually Erik Everhard banging two girls named Stephanie and Nancy. Now, there’s nothing wrong with watching Mr. Everhard do what he does best, but he’s no Kenneth Parcell.

Why’d New Sensations decide to take that tack? Simple, really: Paul Woodcrest, the performer playing Ken, is actually an adult director—and though he was more than happy to lend his boyish charm to the character of Ken, he wasn’t quite ready to make his debut as a porn performer. The same goes for Bishop (hence the lack of any “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” fantasy sex scene—you know they were totally thinking about it).

At the end of it all, we found ourselves questioning whether one could make a “30 Rock” porn that really, really worked. After all, the things that make “30 Rock” really work are counter to the things that make a porno really work: part of the fun of “30 Rock” is the running joke that—somehow, in spite of herself—Liz never gets laid. Does seeing Lisa Ann’s Liz Limon getting done hard take away from that?

We’ll have to get back to you on that one. Right after we finish watching Erik Everhard giving it to these two chicks.

Bishop, Herschel Savage, Lisa Ann, Ashlynn Brooke, and Paul Woodcrest
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Ralph Long
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Ralph Long and Amy Reid
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Ralph Long and Amy Reid
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Lisa Ann
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Lisa Ann and James Deen
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Lisa Ann and James Deen
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Rebeca Linares, Paul Woodcrest, and Lana Violet
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Rebeca Linares
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Lisa Ann and Bishop
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Evie Delatosso and Herschel Savage
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Chris Cannon
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Ashlynn Brooke
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Ashlynn Brooke and Chris Cannon
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)
Rebeca Linares, Erik Everhard, and Lana Violet
“30 Rock - A XXX Parody” (30rockxxx.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

newVideoPlayer(”/mika_tan_2.flv”, 506, 423,”");We’ve always had a soft spot hard spot place in our hearts for Mika Tan, who’s adorable antics (like her crusade against shoulder stink) are matched only by her talented fuckstyle.

Really, we could watch Mika do just about anything—but watching her getting banged by Herschel Savage is especially nice.

· Buy “Dirty Love” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

Like he did with “Faithless” earlier this year, Paul Thomas has made an excellent porn movie that doesn’t skimp on the love or the anger in this new-world (and New Testament!) version of “Deep Throat.”

Throat: A Cautionary Tale

Studio: Vivid
Director: Paul Thomas
Cast: Sasha Grey, Penny Flame, Tom Byron, Evan Stone, Aliana Love, Trent Tesoro, Herschel Savage, Lee Stone

Review by: Gram Ponante

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” intones Julie (Sasha Grey), commenting on her (naked, of course - are you kidding?) corpse a la “Sunset Boulevard” via its Porn Valley counterpart, Sherman Way. “Things just got out of hand.”

Out of hand and into throat, you mean. Thus begins “Throat: A Cautionary Tale,” Vivid’s biggest movie this year, an ambitious project that has already had a six-episode paid infomercial playing on Showtime to support it.

Veteran porn scribe Raven Touchstone’s script is the best this year, convincingly effecting a B story of the cops (Tom Byron and train wreck Penny Flame) tracking down Julie’s killer as well as presenting several possible culprits. And, in a movie that is dark but not too dark for its own good, Touchstone gives a ditzy stripper the line “I heard he fucked an elephant and made it scream.”

That Grey - and not a Vivid contract girl - leads the cast is not surprising, considering director Paul (”PT”) Thomas’ other big movie this year, “Faithless,” starring Miss America-turned-soap opera actress-turned-full-throated cougar harridan Kelli McCarty.

“Throat” is also a great example of a post-modern porn movie. At two hours it is a throwback to features of yore, but it also takes as its source material “Deep Throat,” porn’s most famous film and a cultural phenomenon that even found its way into the Watergate scandal.

“What’s a ‘Deep Throat’?” asks Julie, who lets us know that her “pussy was her enemy” and her “clit like a wart.”

Julie is being schooled by Lane (Aliana Love), a fellow stripper at the peep show at which Julie has been forced to work to pay for college. The movie takes its time breaking down Julie’s stripperesque misanthropy (”I was sickened by their pathetic neediness,” she says. (You and me both, sister!) “But I felt sorry for them, too. If they had someone to love them, they wouldn’t be here”) and provides a few indulgences not often thrown to porn consumers: a slow burn.

Julie, you see, cannot experience pleasure in her vagina. At first we think it’s just because her loser trust-fund boyfriend Eddie (Trent Tesoro) only cares about himself. This is partly true. But the real reason is that Julie’s functioning clitoris is in her throat. Once Lane shows Julie how to “deep throat” a dildo (if the characters Lane and Julie know about Linda Lovelace and the origin of that term, they never let on), Julie is hooked on the feeling of finally, finally getting the stimulation she needs.

But even as Eddie becomes the lucky beneficiary of Julie’s newfound throat-acumen, he becomes enraged by the thought of how she might have developed it. He gets over it and, like Evan Stone’s mercenary gentlemen’s club manager later in the movie, pimps her out for cash.

Where “Throat” differs from other porn versions of the Boulevard of Broken Dreams story is the time it takes to set up Julie’s betrayals. Before these guys reveal themselves for the sleazebags they are, Julie trusts them.

Similarly does Joe (Tom Byron) trust his partner Byrd (Penny Flame). As you can imagine, Byrd gets drawn in to the sex club scene while investigating the death of Julie, but Byrd is given even more of a past: she’s a pill popper and drunk! Not only that, she trades on her shame. In another of “Throat”’s memorable lines she says, “Punish me. I deserve it. I’m no good. Punish me.”

The movie gives the audience so much credit throughout that its occasional porny missteps - at the beginning and end - are jarring. Do we really need to see a textbook overlay of the female reproductive system above Grey’s pleasing flesh-and-blood parts? Isn’t this explained elsewhere? What kind of coroner leaves a patient lying naked and uncovered on a gurney after declaring that her dead (and hot!) little throat “will make history”? Do we need to see what we are already pretty sure is her famous vagina labeled “Vagina”? Perhaps so. Like the coroner is the first to find - long after the detectives are through with her - the condom sticking half out of that “Vagina,” maybe the filmmakers believe the audience is likely to miss something.

Similarly, for someone who has clearly stated that she only gets off with her throat, Julie sure spends a lot of time post-epiphany getting it everywhere else. (I’m only complaining about this as a writer, you understand.)

The performances of Grey and Flame are right on the money. The sex is integral to both their stories, and everything their characters say within that context makes sense, and is delivered more convincingly than anything else. We cannot help infer the plight of the millennial 21-year-old porn star Sasha Grey in Julie’s “I’m a person!” speech, and we are all too familiar with the upside of bad behavior: sometimes Penny Flame just wants to be punished.

But the deftest touch in “Throat: A Cautionary Tale” comes from Herschel Savage, who plays a Hasid with a crush. He delivers a line from the New Testament (go figure) that is as appropriate to porn as, I don’t know, using the word “Children” (as in “Not Married with…XXX“) wasn’t.

But you owe it to yourself to see the movie. Even if you are no good and need to be punished.

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· Vivid (vivid.com)
· Buy “Throat: A Cautionary Tale” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Nina Hartley may have won this year’s Best Non-Sex Performance AVN Award, but I am aggressively campaigning for next year’s trophy for my tender, nuanced work with Kira Lynne in a provocative new film.

The producers of “Oh No! There’s A Negro in My Daughter 2” knew that only I could bring the type of jowly gravitas to the role of the bookish and distant dad of perky, gap-toothed and barely legal Kira Lynne, who gets my attention by having couch-rattling sex with Jon Jon just inches away.

Of course, I had to submit to hours of aging makeup and was not allowed to bring my own clothing.

Drawing inspiration from Gregory Peck’s performance in “To Kill A Mockingbird,” I at first expressed grave reservations about Kira’s outfit, behavior, and choice of mate, but then allowed my character to gracefully arc through tolerance, acceptance and, ultimately, synthesis. Would that my instructors at Shakespeare & Co. have seen me, doubtless they would have been in awe at my powerful resolve and the titanic reserve I displayed at not breaking character all over Kirra’s face.

And I feel that my performance elevated those of my co-stars, a testament to my Meisner, Method, and Scientology training. For their part, directors Grip and Cram Johnson coaxed from me a career-defining interpretation.

I admit that I face competition in the very same movie from the likes of Dirty Harry and Herschel Savage, but I really feel that my entirely improvised performance, my eye contact and emotional connection with my scene partners, will make 2010 my year. I’ve earned this.

. . .

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· Chatsworth Pictures (chatsworthpictures.com)
· Buy “Oh No! There’s A Negro in My Daughter 2″ (jerkoffzone.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante