Newseater - Adult Edition

Wanton harlots eagerly devouring ample engorgements with their hungry anal cavities is nothing new to us. Why, then, does hot glee butterfly through our intrepid insides at this timely seventh offering from Mike Johns?

Perhaps it’s that, from deep within the hollow curve of this festive yule season, a dark yearning has arisen in our hearts—a need to see something truly decadent that plummets to the depths of our soul. In short, we’re craving the kink big time! Why, it’s nothing short of a moral imperative that we gaze on in abject wonder as Bobbi Starr and Marie Luv have the elasticity of their rectal cavities tested harder than the waistband of a fresh pair of Fruit of the Loom.

In all earnestness, Mike Johns’s latest release, the modestly titled “Elastic Assholes 7,” could not have arrived at a more perfect moment as far as we are concerned.

Along with the aforementioned morally unfettered beauties, Rebeca Linares, Hannah West, Emma Heart, Jada Fire, and Tatiana Kush answer the call of our unyieldingly lust—performing sphincter defying acts of temerity with hearty vigor and unrepentant zeal. More than anything, we’d like to offer them our heartfelt gratitude for helping to assuage our darkest carnal appetites by prying open their hot, tight puckers and allowing such savage paramours to ravish them completely before showering them in piping hot loads of freshly churned fuck butter like a baptism.

You have no idea how much we needed it this week, ladies.

“Elastic Assholes 7″ releases this week from Jules Jordan Video.

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· Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)

Original post by DCypher

Scintillating erotic fantasies spring to life from the fecund imagination of Celeste as we travel back to a time when just seeing women in their underwear was a viable fetish. Hooray!

With all the holiday hustle and bustle in full swing, we bet you think we forgot all about you. Nothing could be further from the truth! In fact, we’ve got just what you need to warm yourself up and shake off those winter blues—our very own Fleshbot Supreme Commandress and Extreme Pornstar Champion, Digital Playground contract darling Stoya (duh!).

Without gushing too hard over her, or Celeste’s extraordinary effort, we’d like to say in earnest that we think you will enjoy this festive holiday release, which also stars Toby Pacific, Madelyn Marie, Alexis Texas, Jenna Haze, and Marie Luv. Feel free to peruse this ample sampling of delectable hardcore, oh discerning reader, and form your own opinion, in between donning your gay apparel and the dreidel spinning and what not. That should give us just enough time to finish our holiday shopping.

What? We’re way behind too. ya know! Geez! We sincerely wish Stoya could have been our holiday babysitter.

“Stoya Atomic Tease” releases this week just in time for yule! All images belong to Digital Playground so behave yourself.

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· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

Original post by DCypher

Imagine if David Carradine, Quentin Tarantino, Ron Jeremy, and David Lee Roth, all on mushrooms and driving home from Burning Man in Oliver Stone’s ‘67 Pontiac GTO Convertible Classic, decided to make a blue movie.

Say they thought it would be the finest way to create a commentary on our disposable, excremental culture. They might have come up with something like this. Maybe. If they were all locked in different rooms and told to write 5 pages, and then Al Goldstein compiled those pages into a semi-coherent script, removing all the big words he didn’t understand along the way.

Abysmal acting irreconcilably collides with campy hijinks in the 2nd installment of Wicked Pictures’ “Kung Fu Nurses A Go-Go,” directed by Mark Stone with, honestly, less than stellar results. It’s like the whole movie is one bad inside joke that the rest of us aren’t in on. Karate fighting nurses battle over immobile patients before a sexy strip off against a rival school of semi-articulate tramps, inadvertently making reality television look infinitely more watchable. Seriously, if you were trying to make a movie look porno, it wouldn’t look like this porno. Take note, Kevin Smith, in case you need a sequel to “Zack & Miri.”

The only thing that redeems the title is the cast, which includes sexy young thing Aiden Starr (who no longer returns our calls now that she’s famous), along with Nikki Rhodes, Marie Luv, Bridgette B., Crissy Moon, Marlee Moore, Sindee Jennings, and Mya Luanna. Watching them attempt to act is like chewing tinfoil with fresh fillings, but the minute they get their clothes off it readily becomes apparent why we adore them so. We can (and have) watched Aiden fuck all day long… delicious.

So it’s not brilliant—but it is brilliantly bad, and that’s something, right? Maybe John Cougar Mellencamp was onto something there all along (despite the feathered hair). Check the trailer below along with our exclusive set.

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· “Kung Fu Nurses A Go-Go 2″ (wickedpictures.com)

Original post by DCypher

Our car-obsessed little brother Jalopnik has started a discussion about the best pornstar car out on the market (meaning, a car that pornstars would drive in their day-to-day lives, not a car that you’d want to watch having sex). Jalopnik favors the Zimmer for stars of the adult world, but we’re not so sure that anyone should be driving one of those. Since we know very little about cars, we won’t even try to suggest a ride for any of our Crush Objects—instead, we decided to do a little research and find out what kind of cars pornstars actually drive. View our findings after the jump (and yes, there is someone who drives a Hummer).

Lexi Love: Truck

Katja Kassin: Audi

Marie Luv: Infinti FX35

Dana DeArmond: Prius

Mia Rose: 06′ Nissan 350z Touring edition

Adrenalynn: 07′ Hummer limited edition truck

Roxy DeVille: 2007 Honda CRV

Ginger Lee: Dodge Grand Caravan, Chevy full size van, and a Ford Explorer Sport Track

Jana Jordan: 1969 Mercury Cyclone and 04 Infiniti

Tyler Knight: Mustang V8

Joanna Angel: Nissan Sentra

· What’s The Best Pornstar Car? (jalopnik.com)
· What kind of car do pornstars have? (adultdvdtalk.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

The Urban Spice Awards nominations are now open, celebrating “all aspects of urban erotica.” While this debut event, to be hosted by the deliciously asstastic Olivia O’Lovely, shies away from a “Best White Performer” award, it does offer a “Freakiest” trophy—which is probably the best gauge of a performer’s true merits as any we’ve heard of. The awards will be distributed in June in Studio City, and the dozens of nominees include Jada Fire, Candace Von, Luscious Lopez, Marie Luv, and Sasha Grey. Wait a minute … Sasha Grey?

· Urban Spice Awards (urbanspiceawards.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante