Newseater - Adult Edition

· A bunch of horny manatees are causing traffic jams in Florida. Not web traffic, sadly, just cars. (firstcoastnews.com)

· We’ve haven’t seen Daisy Fuentes in awhile, maybe because she’s too busy getting drunk in the ocean. She’s definitely no sea cow. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Let’s say you open a salon where scantily-clad ladies cut hair in sexy outfits. Well, this is the worst that can happen. (alliednews.com)

· Hooters is now 25 years old, so come on down and bring the kids!. When they say one big happy family, they mean it. (ajc.com)

· Some Malaysians don’t mind the sports car racing, but aren’t so keen on the ever-present racing babes. Sorry, you can’t have one without the other. (thestar.com.my)

· Nudist recreation is now more popular than golf or tennis. Probably because you don’t have to wear those ugly shirts. (azcentral.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Original post by Dashiell

· Michelle Marsh will have to get back to you soon, because she has quite a lot on her hands right now. (hollywoodtuna.com + egotastic.com)

· LAist was not impressed by Erotica LA. What was the problem? Too many pornstars or not enough shoulder stink? (laist.com)

· What’s the weirdest part of this story? That male and female inmates are housed side-by-side, that they were able cut a hole in their cell walls so they could “join” each other, or that prisoners apparently have unlimited access to pancake batter? That last bit doesn’t make it as kinky as it should be, either. (newsday.com)

· We don’t care what you’re selling, there’s no such thing as a gratuitous bikini model. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

· Carrie Underwood and Kevin Eubanks are the world’s sexiest vegetarians, but we still don’t understand how could anyone turn down a piece of hot beef. (chron.com)

· Internet speeds in the US lag far behind other industrialized nations. It’s hard to sleep at night knowing our porn should be arriving faster than it is. (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Original post by Dashiell

· Believe it or not, we don’t have any photos of a famous celebrity on a beach in a bikini today. (Did they close the ocean or something?) So here’s Vida Guerra in her underwear instead. We hope you can forgive us. (dailypoa.com)

· A man in England was arrested for having sex with a bike. Don’t ask us … we don’t know how that would work either. (sundaymail.co.uk)

· Good news for those of you about to be sent to prison in Sweden—you can still get porn while you’re in there. We’ll send you some cookies, too. (thelocal.se)

· Art helps explains why “naked” and “nude” are not the same thing. They both involve tits though, right? (telegraph.co.uk)

· It’s ok to use condoms for disease prevention, but don’t tell anyone that they also prevent pregnancy. Because that’s the kind of thing you should figure out through trial and error. (nytimes.com, via shakewellbeforeuse.com)

· Britain wants to adopt a ratings system for the internet, since the one they have for movies works so well. We’ll hold open the exit door for you. (contractoruk.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Original post by Dashiell

· Demi Moore’s is careful to cover her head, but can’t be bothered to cover her nipples. We think she made the right decision. (egotastic.com)

· A city attorney steals a work laptop carrying important legal documents? Big deal. The laptop is filled with porn, you say? Sound the media alarm! (rockymountainnews.com)

· New Jersey wants to put a “porn zone” for adult businesses near the Meadowlands Sports Complex and based on the quotes from concerned citizens, they are also planning to place this zone in the 1950s. If they have their “druthers,” that is. (northjersey.com)

· There are a lot of ways to get hurt on the job, but a sex worker getting workman’s comp after the client who hired her drove their car in to a gully is a pretty unique one. (nzherald.co.nz)

· An infection chain is redirecting several hundred pornography URLs to Mpack tool kit servers which uses a FRAME manager to automate malware attacks from compromised domains. Go find a nerd and have him explain that to you. (computerworld.com)

· In a delightful twist on your typical air rage incident, an Indian man took off all his clothes and danced in the aisles of a Thai Airways flight. It’s was probably better than whatever crappy movie they were showing. (bangkokpost.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Original post by Dashiell

· Keeley Hazell has returned to class the joint up a little bit. We could use a little refinement, actually. (thumblogger.com)

· Even though China has officially “banned” them, Chinese-language porn sites are still raking in the dough. It’s almost like the internet has a mind of it’s own. (pcw.co.uk)

· Would you like to read the “filthiest criminal complaint ever filed”? Who knew the FBI had such nasty writers? (thesmokinggun.com)

· NPR commentator Frank DeFord says if “feather-brained” men had their sports pages taken away, they’d probably just turn their attention to porn. Yikes … hopefully those Deadspin commenters can’t figure out where we are. (newsbusters.org)

· Why would people get so angry with Family Video for having a back-room adult section? Oh, right … the whole “family” thing. (dailyherald.com)

· A “hillside artist” is painting a “tasteful nude” on the grass alongside Hwy. 20 in Oregon. In other news, car crashes and traffic jams will soon shut down Hwy. 20 in Oregon. (kgw.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Original post by Dashiell