Newseater - Adult Edition

Because everyone else is doing it, the next version of Firefox will contain a “private mode” for all your porn browsing needs. (Although true Mozilla fans know that this has been possible for awhile now.) Of course, we don’t understand why you would want to erase your porn surfing history anyway—how would you remember where are all the best smut is? (techcrunch.com)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

Advance tickets are on sale now for the Arse Elektronika conference in San Francisco later this month. You know—the one where nerds and geeks gather to build their own kooky DIY machines and then fuck them? (monochrom.at)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

Nerds! They never know how to say the right thing around women. Take this guy in the glasses—the specs clearly indicate that he is “complete nurd,” of course—who simply tries to say something instructive (i.e., nerdy) to this young woman, but of course he says it in the wrong language and offends her. Her only recourse is to fuck his brains out, because nerds are afraid of sex, so that’s really the only way to teach them a lesson. It’s true! The next time a nerd says something awkward to your face, give him (or her) some head and you’ll find they change their tune pretty darn quick.

. . .

· “beauty and the ‘nurd’” (Megarotic)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

If Iron Man, The Hulk, Batman, Hellboy, Indiana Jones, Maxwell Smart, and Carrie Bradshaw can’t satisfy your superhero fix this summer, here’s one more thing that might help: 50 pictures of hot chicks dressed like Wonder Woman. Trust us, though—that “tie me up with your golden lasso!” pickup line never works. (bamkapow.com)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

San Francisco’s annual Arse Elektronika events sees the sexiest of the geeky (or the geekiest of the sexy) trying to outnerd each other with fabulous sexual inventions that are impractical, implausible, and exactly what you want for Christmas. It’s also a great way for tinkerers of this sort to experiment with new and wacky ideas. Like, say, a vibrator that’s hooked up to the U.S. Geological Survey and only buzzes when there’s an earthquake somewhere in the world: you just plug it in, turn it on, and … wait for a completely unpredictable natural disaster! Only trouble is that when your own “Big One” finally arrives, it’s tempered by the realization that a building might have collapsed somewhere with people trapped inside. Talk about a buzzkill.

If that’s not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a “tolerance limit” of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can’t use it. No one dies and you’re free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it’s probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the “Golden Kleene” award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We’re very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we’ve seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the “Perpetual Erection Machine”—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett