Newseater - Adult Edition

San Francisco’s annual Arse Elektronika events sees the sexiest of the geeky (or the geekiest of the sexy) trying to outnerd each other with fabulous sexual inventions that are impractical, implausible, and exactly what you want for Christmas. It’s also a great way for tinkerers of this sort to experiment with new and wacky ideas. Like, say, a vibrator that’s hooked up to the U.S. Geological Survey and only buzzes when there’s an earthquake somewhere in the world: you just plug it in, turn it on, and … wait for a completely unpredictable natural disaster! Only trouble is that when your own “Big One” finally arrives, it’s tempered by the realization that a building might have collapsed somewhere with people trapped inside. Talk about a buzzkill.

If that’s not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a “tolerance limit” of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can’t use it. No one dies and you’re free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it’s probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the “Golden Kleene” award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We’re very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we’ve seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the “Perpetual Erection Machine”—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

The Teeny Weeny USB drive would the perfect place to hide your porn if your porn collection didn’t require more hard drive space than the Library of Congress. And you can save the jokes about “pulling out early,” because they made that one already. (teenyweenydrive.com)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

Researchers say that smart girls don’t have as many orgasms because they over-think everything. Or maybe dumb girls are just so happy to get laid that they don’t know the difference? (thesun.co.uk)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

newVideoPlayer(”uncanny_valley_fleshbot.flv”, 463, 387,”");
As readers of this site know all too well, there have been many, many, many attempts to meld interactive video games with hardcore porn, and despite the occasional interesting result it’s been pretty much a total failure. Why is this such an impossible task? (Besides a lack of money, creativity and raw computing power?) It has to do with a little rule of animation and robotics known as the “Uncanny Valley.” What is that exactly? Well, last week’s episode of “30 Rock” provided the clearest, most succinct explanation of the concept that we’ve heard yet—by breaking it down into a “Star Wars” metaphor, of course. See why your dream of fighting off an alien invasion while boning 3-D Hillary Scott clones is never meant to be.

· 30 Rock (full episode @ hulu.com)
· Uncanny Valley (Wikipedia)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

Are you familiar with that whole “steampunk” thing all the kidz are talking about? If so, congratulations—you’re a nerd! Fortunately, we love nerds around here and that’s why this video tickled (or maybe abused) our various bones. For the uninitiated, steampunk fans are into reading and writing about and even building old-timey technological contraptions that may not be as convenient or cheap (or useful) as your fancy modern doo-dads, but they sure look cool on a shelf in the den. (If you still don’t get it, read more Boing Boing.) Well, online nerd leader Merlin Mann has taken this aesthetic to its logical conclusion,with his own homemade steampunk onanism device, modeled after the “masturbatory sketchbook” of H.G. Wells (the “Leonardo Da Vinci” of jerking off). Yes, it’s expensive and heavy and very, very painful to use, but fapping with this will make you so totally punk! Steampunk that is! Dig the old world, “artis-anal” craftsmanship below.

. . .

· Steampunk DIY from Merlin Mann (vimeo.com)
· Merlin Mann on Steampunk Masturbatory Devices (coilhouse.net - thanks Molly!)

P.S. Yes, he’s kidding.

Original post by Dashiell Bennett