Newseater - Adult Edition

The cover of “Icon” informs us of two very important things. The first is that Hillary Scott is “just a girl with a dream”—what, precisely, that dream is is not explained, but we suspect that it has something to do with cocks. Secondly, the cover informs us that an icon is “one who is the object of great attention and devotion.” We believe this is what’s known as “foreshadowing.”

Throughout the three hours of the feature, you see, Hillary Scott is adored and devoted (sexually, even!). In at the spa, in a dungeon, in a theater, with girls, with boys, with both, in her pussy, in her ass, and sometimes both at once—it’s all about Hillary (even in the middle of an orgy, the girl still manages to steal all the focus). And when it’s not about Hillary fucking, it’s about Hillary making a movie: in between the sex scenes, we’re treated to scenes of Hillary and her crew making the movie. You see, Hillary’s not just an icon because she knows how to fuck; she’s an icon because she knows how to make fuck films.

There is also a music video about halfway through the feature, we’re not quite sure what it has to do with Hillary Scott, iconography, or fucking, so you should probably feel free to skip over it in search of sexier fare.

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Should you find yourself unsatisfied by the three hour feature alone, there are three (three!) extra discs included in the package for extra titillation. What, pray tell, is the content of these discs? Special features contains standard fare (behind the scenes footage, a music video, trailers, and photos), bonus discs one and two are loaded up with scenes from other movies Hillary has been in. See, Hillary isn’t just an icon because she made a three hour epic porn: she’s an icon because she’s been in many other fuck films, too!

Really, the only question that one need ask is this: “Do I like Hillary Scott?” Because if the answer is yes, this DVD is a must have. And if it’s not, well—we’re sure they’ll come out with “Sasha Grey: Icon” sooner or later.

· Buy “Icon” (sexz.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

How can you say no to a millennial porn vampire movie that Hustler lauded with a “Fully Erect”? The answer is that No, you cannot. Your lust will compel you to watch “Les Vampyres” and you will feel “a longing” for the stilted, incoherent, but no less hot like fire Syren. But beware! Fellas, if you make an immortal your beloved, dollars to doughnuts she will bite your cock off. So there’s that…

Les Vampyres

As you know, the last two horror films set in northern California were John Carpenter’s The Fog and Corey Haim’s The Lost Boys. So I was half giddy with excitement about James Avalon’s AVN-sweeping 2000 movie Les Vampyres.

Castrated men are washing ashore along the scenic Pacific Coast Highway. None of them is John Houseman’s Mr. Machen. In the opening scene of Les Vampyres (the only porn movie ever to name-check Peter Ueberroth), we watch as a three-way goes horribly wrong for a poor fellow who finds his junk bitten off by two women he probably thought were his friends

After the credits roll, we meet earnest couple Jenny and Clint (Jewel Valmont and Joel Lawrence), celebrating his job promotion by spending the weekend at a cozy resort. They bump into the uber-creepy Veronika (Syren), Victoria, and Vivian, two-thirds of whom we just saw biting some poor dude’s cock off (the poor dude was played by Brick Majors, Brian Surewood’s brother). The trio invites the couple to dinner, and they accept.

But back in the room the couple change their minds and decide to order room service instead.

“She had a strange aura about her,” Jenny confides. “She made me feel … different.”

Not to worry. Victoria and Vivian are out looking for man-flesh, and boy do they find some, luring a hapless voyeur into some cock-biting.

Veronica has her heart set on Jenny, but Clint, like me, thinks Veronica’s loopy.

“But I’m drawn to her,” says Jenny. “It’s a … longing.”

Meanwhile, now les vampyres have offed a doofus cop who alone was on to their shenanigans. But Clint is also suspicious. Unfortunately, like the other dubious men in the movie, his reservations are not strong enough to resist their temptations, in Clint’s case, a sexy vampyre in the shower.

When Veronika finally gets Jenny alone, she informs the quivering blonde of her secret past. And when Jenny is hip to her own supernatural resume, it’s curtains for Clint.

Avalon was and is a talented director who makes his stars look their best. While Syren doubtless did the best she could, it is painful to hear her deliver lines. As if anticipating this, a lot of the incidental male parts are just as hokey. Les Vampyres is a very juicy and cable-ready horror porn that holds up well lo these eight years.

Studio: Metro
Director: James Avalon
Cast: Syren, Jewel Valmont, Joel Lawrence, Wendi Knight, Brick Majors, Violet Luv, Jack Hammer, Samantha, Brandon Iron, Nick Orleans

Review by: Gram Ponante

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· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· Buy “Les Vampyres” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Across America—from Mahwah, New Jersey, to Pleasonton, California—there’s one thing that unites us all: a love of having sex with people who aren’t our legally married spouses. Or at least that’s the premise of “America Swings,” a brand new book by photographer Naomi Harris that’s full of dirty pictures of swingers doing the very thing they do best. You may remember Ms. Harris from her behind the scenes look at the porn industry (or from our previous mention of her current project); with our long history of, uh, appreciating her work, we’re definitely looking forward to getting our hands on a copy of her latest endeavor. Want to see why we’re all hot and bothered? Blackbook has a preview gallery of photos from the book accompanying their review. Who knows—you might have more in common with some of those Red State people than you thought.

· “America Swings” (book info @ taschen.com)
&middot ‘America Swings’ Gets Down & Dirty (blackbookmag.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

It is probably a cortical-level urge to want to see women in tight clothes and roller skates; I imagine it has something to do with the increased speed with which they can be mashed together. It is this laser-focus on a basic human need that sets “Roller Dollz” apart from other porn fare this month.

. . .

Why “Roller Dollz” (which I have seen) is as good as, if not better than, “Pirates 2″, (which I have not yet seen):

1. The stakes aren’t as high. While “Roller Dollz” is a bigger-than-usual production, comprising two DVDs and employing the financial, creative, and boobular resources of two porn companies (Adam & Eve and Zero Tolerance) it, like most other porn movies, was written, produced, and released in less than three months whereas “Pirates 2″ has been advertised for more than two years and is reputed to cost upwards of $500,000, most of which will go to special effects shots. In the end, both are just porn movies. Worse, there is no way that the effects on “Pirates 2″ will look half as good as the effects fans expect from the least Hollywood escapist movie, nor will the acting or script be above reproach. When a porn movie positions itself to be like a mainstream movie, it invites comparison. “Roller Dollz” doesn’t say it is anything other than a porn movie, and therefore more than meets my expectations.

2. It’s got Sunny Lane in it.

A movie about the lives and loves of rival roller derby gangs, “Roller Dollz” delivers the flesh spectacularly, on wheels no less. Bree Olson, Kayden Kross, Ava Rose, Courtney Cummz, Penny Flame, Teagan, Eva Angelina, Alektra Blue, and Lane look great when shimmying out of their pads and blades, and just as often leave them on.

Don’t get me wrong - there is a plot, but I would be doing you a disservice as well as a disservice to the memory of a delightful sex film by trying to describe it. It’s unimportant. And it doesn’t get in the way of the reason anyone would watch this movie in the first place, which I think in this unfortunate age of vying for porn awards shows remarkable restraint.

All the big stars (Kross and Olson in particular) look lovely and are given lots of screen time, but it is Lane who reminds us that there is a reason she has stayed famous in the adult business for longer than the average starlet’s career expectancy.

With plenty of outside shots of millennial Malibu and the joy of watching eight girls in a rollergangbang on a Glendale parquet floor, “Roller Dollz” will drain your ball bearings.

- Review by Gram Ponante

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RollerDollz
Studio: Adam & Eve and Zero Tolerance
Director: James Avalon
Cast: Bree Olson, Kayden Kross, Sunny Lane, Ava Rose, Penny Flame, Alektra Blue, Tommy Gunn, Teagan, Courtney Cummz, Eva Angelina

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy “Roller Dollz” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Fleshbot’s pixel restrictions prevent me showing this device to you as it looked attached like a naughty koala to the better part of my person. But if you’ve ever imagined shrinking an enemy and then fucking it like some cultural exchange between certain native tribes and the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce, then the Curvy Woman Stroker is for you!

When I removed this device from its packaging (in addition to an overstock porn DVD that I could have chosen to watch [and this is entirely another story but I remember a time when a single unit of porn material would last from freshman through senior year, so to discount the usefulness of a six-scene DVD that never dims the way the Phoebe Cates scene did on that rental VHS of “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”…]) I was at first reminded of Ron Perlman’s misshapen monk character in “The Name of the Rose.”

“Penitenziagite,” I said.

Because the Curvy Woman Stroker does not really resemble a curvy woman in the porn sense, as you can see, but instead kind of looks like the zombie trunk of a pregnant woman or beer drinker, or pregnant beer drinker.

But all these mixed media messages, especially when beer is involved and nothing else on the horizon, might inspire the average consumer to say “Fuck it.”

And that’s where they’ve got you.

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)

Original post by Gram Ponante