Newseater - Adult Edition

If tomorrow’s election doesn’t go quite as hoped, we’re willing to bet that some of you might end the evening looking to expatriate. If the good ol’ US of A just doesn’t seem good enough anymore, perhaps you’d like to consider a move to Canada? With socialized medicine, Tim Horton’s, and a homegrown porno channel, the land of the maple leaf is a pretty decent alternative to its southern neighbor—especially since it’s also home to some rather good looking ladies. Meet some of Canada’s loveliest (and nakedest) ladies after the jump. They’re hot enough to make us head north… no matter who wins tomorrow.

Anouck (burningangel.com)

Claudia Costa (softcore-source.com)

Lanny Barby

Shyla Stylez

Sunny Leone

Christie Lee (kellyfind.com)

Metalux (burningangel.com)

Lauren Phoenix

Kate Ground (katesplayground.com)

Nikki Benz

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

Original post by Lux Alptraum

The proof, they say, is in the pudding—though in the case of “Internal Damnation 2,” the latest release from Chris Streams at Jules Jordan Video, the proof is lodged snugly up the pink, sticky, and recently ravaged holes of stunningly beautiful young starlets, just waiting to drool out like a silky ribbon or a melted pearl.

Tory Lane stars in her first “internal” scene, pairing up with two handsome and amicable fellows, who proceed (at her request) to pummel every wanton orifice she owns. A deep insatiable hunger flashes crimson across her face and breasts as her greedy box thirstily drinks up both of their milky offerings, then defiantly spits them back out for your approval.

Likewise Lisa Ann (whose visage has become virtually synonymous with a certain GOP candidate) enjoys a raunchy romp before gleefully presenting her creamy man pudding to the camera. Even Shyla Stylez, displaying the most immaculate tan we’ve ever seen on her gorgeous golden curves, unleashes a sluice of freshly churned fuck butter that sweetly dribbles out of her coveted honey pot.

Newcummers Kirra Lynne, Nika Noire, and Mya Nichols join in the fun as well, each providing hours of potentially impregnating entertainment in the process.

While we may never know what exactly it is that gets viewers so excited about actually seeing semen drip out of the girl (instead of having it basted on her face, breasts, or ass), we are certain that director Chris Streams knows what it is—and he really wants to share it with you.

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· “Internal Damnation” (julesjordanvideo.com)

Original post by DCypher

Remember that curiously skin-free teaser for “Pirates II”? Well, a mere year and a half after turning on the hype machine for what some believe is the most eagerly anticipated pirate-themed porn megaspectacular ever, Digital Playground has finally released a real trailer — and, unlike the aforementioned teaser, it doesn’t totally suck! (Or at least gives you a better idea that this is a porn movie and not someone’s AfterEffects experiment.) With practically everyone in the adult industry and their mother getting banged in this movie, there’s bound to be at least one scene that’ll turn your crank—and for that reason alone, we’re sure “Pirates II” will prove to be worth the wait. (Well, that and seeing how those squillions of dollars that were sunk into its production were put to use.) Experience the magic after the jump.

. . .

· ‘Pirates II’ Trailer Premieres Online (avn.com)
· Pirates II: X-Rated Trailer (piratesxxx.com)
· Pirates II: R-Rated Trailer (youtube.com)

Original post by Lux Alptraum

Viewers who watch this feature all the way through will be rewarded with a twist ending uncharacteristic of porn movies. I say this as a favor to this movie’s producers, because I can’t say that everything leading up to the twist is the best a talented group of people can do. Still, you can watch this in a double feature with “Kiss Attack” and not regret the evening.

. . .

“Some say the path we take is guided by Fate or unseen forces,” intones Lei in the voiceover, which is immediately reminiscent of the sort of stylish, formulaic, safe, and Skinemax -ready porn Wicked produces so well, or at least so frequently.

How does one become a hooker accidentally? Well, if you looked like Kaylani Lei and you were walking down Hollywood Boulevard dressed to enhance all your Kaylani Leitude whilst absently sucking your soft drink from a straw, it would be within reason for the common passerby to at least hope you were a hooker.

And the passerby would be right, because hooker Lei is en route to an interview about how she became a hooker accidentally. Turns out she met a dude, Marcus (Armstrong), online who wasted no time sampling the goods once they finally met.

“He didn’t seem to be an axe murderer or anything,” Lei recalled. Waking up alone, Lei was surprised to find $500 by her bedside.

Was she a hooker? Who knows. Marcus invites her to L.A. and at the airport she is greeted by a limousine containing not Marcus but instead a man named Deep Threat.

“Little did I know that it would change my life - ” says Lei in the voiceover.

(wait for it)

” - forever.”

“I realized I crossed a line,” she says.

(wait for it)

” - that could never be uncrossed.”

Also:

“I had changed - “

(wait for it)

” - and this was only the beginning.”

Lei begins a crazy joyride of sex for money, immersing herself in “the life,” in which intimacy, commerce, and hedonism coexist in an uneasy colloidal stew - forever. She fucks other women, rich swains at the opera, guys at the car wash, couples, anything that pays.

Wicked cannot solve this problem, but in the scene with Shyla Stylez and Tommy Gunn as the couple Lei beds, the movie falls victim to something that happens in porn all the time: Stylez looks more like a hooker than the person playing a hooker. It’s like the Monty Python “Bicycle Repair Man” sketch, where everyone is a superhero.

But the highs become fewer and farther between.

“Every once in a while you ask yourself, ‘What am I doing?’” Lei tells her interviewer.

“Why don’t you just stop?” he asks.

“That’s easier said than done,” she says, blowing cigarette smoke. “You can’t just walk away. It’s in your blood. It’s what you know. It’s what you are. No matter how hard you try, you het sucked right back in. You’re in for life. And sometimes? That feels like an eternity.”

I hand it to Wicked for yet another unflinching look at the world of high-priced call girls this summer, the other being Latina Hollywood Hookers.

But just when you condemn Wicked for padding the script, you realize that all those (or most of those) sodden sentences work up to a twist ending like that Tom Cruise Isn’t Gay Enough movie.

Like M. Night Shyamalan projects, the twist endings over the years have yielded diminished returns since The Sixth Sense. But this is porn, so we’ve got at least ten more years of them. So I’ll leave it to you to decide if the twist redeems the movie.

Review by: Gram Ponante

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. . .

The Accidental Hooker

Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: Kaylani Lei, Shyla Stylez, Victoria Sin, Mikayla, Devon Lee, Jennifer Dark, Brad Armstrong, Tommy Gunn, Deep Threat, Niko, Barrett Blade, Derrick Pierce, Marcus London

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy “The Accidental Hooker” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Somewhere along the line, “porn star” seems to have become shorthand for “sexy, liberated, confident woman.” We’re mostly behind this usage, but sometimes it leads to articles that are just, well, weird. Take, for example, the Frisky’s recent article “Five Tips For Screwing Like A Porn Star,” a solid, sex-positive piece that offers up some age-old advice for getting what you want in the sack. It is all quite lovely—but has absolutely nothing to do with porn in any way.

Let’s face it: the kind of sex that porn stars have (on camera, at least), is nothing like the kind of sex that you and I want to be having. Out of necessity, porn sex focuses far more on looking good than on feeling good — a surefire recipe for bedroom disaster. We refute the Frisky’s five tips (and provide video evidence from the XXX world).

. . .

1. Be Eager Send him slutty text messages, go commando—when you’re ready for some action, take it!

Porn stars are, first and foremost, performers who are being paid to render a fantasy real. Sure, they should be enthusiastic (shouldn’t we all be enthusiastic about our work?), but being overly eager could easily get in the way of a director’s vision. Especially if your director is trying to create some bored girl porn:

newVideoPlayer(”/frisky_1.flv”, 506, 423,”"); Young girl is bored by getting fucked (megarotic.com)

2. Tell Him What You Want Don’t be shy! Be explicit. You might worry you’ll sound bossy, but it will actually be dirty talk. And what man doesn’t like that?

Once again: porn is not about the wants and needs of the stars. It’s about the director’s vision. Sure, some movies are all about girls vocalizing their desires — but quite a few others are about girls lying back and taking it.

newVideoPlayer(”/frisky_2.flv”, 506, 423,”"); Girl forced to take 2 cumshots (megarotic.com)

3. Use Your Backside Guys go crazy for the booty, so don’t be afraid to show it! Sure, from your knees to your waist, there’s cellulite and stretch marks, but he doesn’t care- only you do! If you’re already naked, you know he likes what you got and he wants all of it.

This one we can’t refute. Everyone likes the ass.

newVideoPlayer(”/frisky_3.flv”, 506, 423,”"); nice ass shaking (megarotic.com)

4. Accessorize Just like you add earrings, belts, and necklaces to your day look, your night look could always use some accessories. From keeping your heels on, to a leather riding crop, a girl’s gotta have that little eye grabbing something extra.

Right again. Porn stars are known for keeping heels on during sex. But they are kind of uncomfortable. (Even dangerous!)

newVideoPlayer(”/frisky_4.flv”, 506, 423,”"); High Heels Threesome (megarotic.com)

5. Take Care Of #1—Yourself Everything from your nails to your orgasm is your responsibility. If he can’t handle the job, you should finish it off.

Perhaps they meant “Take Care Of #1—The Viewers At Home.” Because when you’re having sex like a porn star, that’s the main thing that matters.

newVideoPlayer(”/frisky_5.flv”, 506, 423,”"); A Dream Team Blowjob: Gianna, Shyla Stylez (megarotic.com)

· The Frisky’s Five Tips For Doin’ It Like A Professional (thefrisky.com)
· Thumbnail from Playful Hands (fhg.playfulhands.com, via Ask Jolene)

Original post by Lux Nightmare