Newseater - Adult Edition

Perhaps taking a strategy from the Playboy/Cinemax playbook, Australian all-girl outfit Abby Winters (not a real person) has been issuing a stream of more and more generic-sounding titles. And what’s worse—the dingo-inducing hijinks inside are delightful and undeserving of the bland signage. It is like meeting your dream date at the “Encounters” lounge at Howard Johnson’s. And Howard Johnson was a real person.

Natural curves blend with natural light in these nine scenes, none of which involves temptation but each of which is decidedly intimate. Healthy Aussies masturbate themselves or each other for as long as it takes to get the job done. After all, “Abby Winters” guarantees real orgasms - or she’ll refund your money herself!

Each of the scenes is a highlight for fans of low-key, no-nonsense porn from people who look content to be there, but standouts are the Meg White-lookalike covergirl Krystin, two scenes of Lou-Ellyn (one of which features her masturbating to a Nick Cave poster), and a split screen phone sex interlude between Ren and Shaminee.

I know that naming porn movies is difficult, and that “Dirtpipe Milkshakes” is already taken, but I’d even take “Gulpilil’s Private Stash” over “Intimate Temptations.”

. . .

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· Abby Winters (abbywinters.com)
· Buy “Intimate Temptations” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

First off, we were so impressed with last week’s efforts that we are moving to Philadelphia to fondle the left ball of Duncan Doughnut and perform an Ass Meld on our sneeze reflex. But it’s a new week in a litigious world, and Zero Tolerance has clearly forgotten about a certain lawsuit-happy Cupertino company in naming its latest “Apple Bottomz.” After all, one look at Gina Lynn and it’s an easy jump to “How many USB devices can I daisy chain from her ass? Like, 128?” Your job this week, then, is to rename this movie as if it were either a Beatles lyric or a computer product. Having trouble? Your mother should know.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy “Apple Bottomz” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

As you consider what’s happening to Kristie Creame, be thankful that the title of this movie has nothing to do with the fact that a black man is doing it. But see, also, that he has his left hand on her right cheek, as if trying to reconcile the sides of his brain that deal with the maths and the ass.

If you are successful like last week’s winner, you will tell us (one entry per person, please) what this dude is doing with his right hand.

· Evasive Angles (evasiveangles.com)
· See the real title (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

We’re an enlightened group of people here, right? Remember when your wife sat on my lap at the dinner party and you were uncomfortable but we all got over it? That’s what I mean. But now and then there is a porn title even we First Amendment Patriots quail at.

This week’s WWFRD entry is such a title. Your job today is to view the actual title and creatively soften it (the first step is to remove the too-easy “#2″) for consumption by people who think the original might have gone too far. And you are further challenged to do it with one entry, much as we were wowed by last week’s winner.(Though feel free to tell your friends about it.)

· Hush Hush Entertainment (hush-hushentertainment.com)
· See the Real Title (if you dare) (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Regular readers of this web endeavor know that the porn industry isn’t all glamor and dazzle. In fact, some people get downright bored when getting downright bored. But that doesn’t mean you have to choose that image for your box cover.

The face “Interracial Booty Patrol 5″ presents to the world features a woman named Envy who is photographed as one part of her watches her little brother playing Rock Band 2 and the other part … well, see what happens after the gap.

. . .

I mean, at the very least you’d expect her to balance a bowl of chips on her back for the poor guy.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy “Interracial Booty Patrol 5″ (jadedvideo.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante