Newseater - Adult Edition

The problem with sex is that there are boy parts and girl parts, and sometimes it’s hard for boys to make the girl parts happy (and vice versa) since boys only know how to make their own boy parts happy. Of course, sometimes he wants to make another boy’s parts happy (or a girl with another girl’s parts) and they still seem to have trouble with that too. And now that we think about it, there are tons of boys and girls who don’t even know how their own parts work and couldn’t possibly be expected to make anybody’s else parts happy too. What’s the moral of this story and this week’s sex advice questions? Everyone needs to learn how a vagina works ASAP. That’s the only way us boys and girls are ever going to get out of this mess alive.

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· In & Out (timeout.com/chicago)

I am a 35-year-old gay man and I am about to have sex with a woman for the first time … I know that vaginas are not scary, and yet they are still foreign to me. With an anus, I can be rough. How gentle or rough should I be with her vagina? We will probably have to do it more than once. How much is too much? Are there any other vagina things I should know about before going in for the first time?

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· Dr. Thomas Stuttaford and Suzi Godson (timesonline.co.uk)

I’ve always had an active sex life with my husband of 19 years. But he has now acquired an artificial vagina. Does this mean he is losing interest in me?

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· Love Bites (eyeweekly.com)

I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for a few months and recently she asked if I’d be interested in some anal play — my receiving it from her. … But shortly afterwards, she started making little comments (”jokes” she calls them) here and there that she’s turned me gay, etc. I laughed it off at first but she just keeps on going on about it, even starting to making some suggestive remarks about it in front of our friends. As a result, I got really annoyed with her and told her off. She then started calling me homophobic and said that she didn’t think I was “that kind of guy.” The whole thing has really upset me because I don’t think that’s fair at all. Are my actions that wrong?

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· Miss Information (nerve.com)

I stumbled across a compromising video of my ex on an amateur porn site. I was shocked when I saw the video. She wasn’t that sexually open-minded when I was with her! Obviously, part of my reaction was jealousy.

I have two questions: 1) How do I get over this?, and 2) Is there an obligation to anonymously or non-anonymously contact her in case she doesn’t know that video is out there?

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· Dr. Dick’s Sex Advice (drdicksexadvice.com)

I have been having a ton of rough sex with my boyfriend and the last time we did it he complained that I ripped something up there and that it burns whenever I try to slide in. He also says it burns sometime when he does #2 and he finds blood also! What can we do to get him better and prevent this from happing again?

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· Dear Deidre (thesun.co.uk)

My aunt picks me up in her car and we go to hotels to have sex - and it’s always absolutely brilliant.

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· Get Naked (timeout.com/newyork)

I’m a 29-year-old hetero female, and for as long as I can remember I’ve had the urge to get double-teamed by two guys. I’m finally in a relationship with a man who’s not threatened by the idea and we’ve even agreed on who the third guy should be. … The one thing is, my boyfriend tells me that although the guy is pretty well-hung (which is good) he’s also uncut … I really am not into the idea of giving head to an uncut penis…. So should I just go through with it and hope the second time’s the charm where uncut penises are concerned, or should I call the whole thing off?

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· Savage Love (thestranger.com)

After 16 years and one kid, my husband and I are considering an open marriage. … about a year ago, I met someone who turned from a friendship into a strong attraction … I decided to ask for a divorce before entering into an affair, and about five months ago my husband and I separated. I have been seeing the other man during this time and the sex has been amazing–he’s doing the things that I begged my husband to do with me. My husband has been miserable without me and has agreed to an open marriage so we can still be together, be a family, and I can be free to have an outside relationship. My husband is also free to have an outside relationship. He now accepts that I’ve been with another man (whom he has met) and that I am capable of loving him as a husband while having a sexual relationship on the side. … all I want to know is if this is a recipe for disaster?

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Previously: Best of Sex Advice Archive

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

In case you were keeping track, we did miss our Best of Sex Advice roundup for the last couple of weeks — but not because of laziness or forgetfulness or even neglect. Frankly, your problems just weren’t that interesting! Maybe everyone was just feeling cocky in their post-Valentine’s Day bliss, or maybe—heaven forbid!—you’re actually starting to figure this stuff out on your own. That would be a sad blow to our nation’s underworked and underpaid advice columnists. And bloggers who desperately need silly things to make fun of. Won’t you please think of them (and us) the next time you’re worried that your lover/parents/teachers will find out about your kinky fetish, or worse … that your kinky fetish isn’t freaky enough to talk about in a major national newspaper? Nonsense! No matter how sexually enlightened some of you may be, we’ll still be sitting here waiting to read all about those of you who aren’t.

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· Dr. Thomas Stuttaford and Suzi Godson (timesonline.co.uk)

My new girlfriend has disconcerting sexual practices such as rubbing her clitoris during sex and not allowing me to caress her breasts. Is it me or her?

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· Dr. Dick’s Sex Advice (drdicksexadvice.com)

I think I have a spanking fetish. I say I think I do, because I never tried it. But I want to. I think my partner would be up for it, but I have yet to ask her. I thought I’d ask you first. What are your thoughts about spanking?

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· Savage Love (thestranger.com)

My question is on Dom/sub slave etiquette. Assuming things with this new woman work out, at what point should I break up with my sub? Should I tell her about the other woman? Should I tell her in advance we are ending (”Your next visit will be our last”) or should I just ask her to come over and break up then (”We both knew this was only going to last so long”)? Do I help her find a new Dom? This isn’t a regular breakup, so I’m not really sure how to do it. My sub loves to serve, so would it be cheating on my next girlfriend if I let her keep doing domestic tasks for me, but nothing sexual? Should I tell my next girlfriend that I had a sex slave for a while?

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· Jersey Girls (providencedailydose.com)

How do you talk dirty? What do you as women like to hear that gets you all hot and bothered?

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· Open Up: The Pucker Up Forums (puckerup.com)

I’ve seen reports from guys who have gotten full ejaculatory orgasms from anal sex, without any oral or manual stimulation of the penis … I’ve come pretty close, even getting a very milky pre-cum, but didn’t quite make it to the Big O … Any comments or advice?

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· Stacey Grenrock Woods (esquire.com)

I get these really nasty headaches every time I ejaculate. It doesn’t matter if I’m having sex or just masturbating. Please help me.

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· Get Naked (timeout.com/newyork)

Can someone please tell me what’s so hot about having sex in the shower? … it’s actually a big pain in the ass, with little payoff.

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· Miss Information (nerve.com)

My boyfriend of six months insists on wearing [condoms.] I was under the impression that once we were exclusive and both got tested, we wouldn’t use them anymore. I’ve been tested, but he somehow ‘hasn’t gotten around to it.’ … Is he just lazy or what? I just want to make sure I’m not missing the obvious.

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· Love Bites (eyeweekly.com)

I am a 22-year-old gay man. The other day, while reading the labelling on a condom, I read the words for “vaginal use only.” Being gay, I researched this only to find on the Canada Health website that condoms are only subject to inspection if a complaint is made. I couldn’t find anything about if they should be tested for anal sex.

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Previously: Best of Sex Advice Archive

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

Everyone’s favorite English-language Japanese newspaper, the Mainichi Daily News, brings us the sad tale of the distressing number of men who suffer from vaginal ejaculation disorder—or “an inability to ejaculate inside the vagina.” It’s true. They’re called virgins. (mainichi.jp)

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

Seeing all the people who turn to advice columnists for help with their freaky problems, and reading about the various crazy scenarios that threaten to bring down every relationship imaginable, it’s any wonder that anybody wants to date another person ever. Never mind trying to find someone who would return the favor. Sometimes it seems the only alternative is to give up and assume a life of neverending celibacy … or more likely, masturbation. Or get yourself thrown in jail and eliminate the other options! That’s the situation one writer finds himself in this week, so we suppose there are drawbacks to that plan as well. The prison porn library probably leaves a lot to be desired.

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· Get Naked (timeout.com/newyork)

The brain in this noggin is filled with filth. I’m a porno hound. I’m a slave to porn mags and videos and I’m comfortable putting dating and relationships on hold, in favor of daily wanking. I’m a 50-year-old guy who’s been serving time since I was 44 (I get out when I’m 58), and I’ve been daily wanking since I was 39. I lived in NYC for eight years and once wrote in to an advice columnist. I explained that I was “stuck in a rut,” unable to choose between jerking off, pursuing love or pursuing lust with whores in Mexico. She suggested that I try to “reach my full potential,” which I assume she meant as a jerk-off. So now, when I finish my time do I: (a) get a life and date women, find a girlfriend/soulmate; (b) buy a ton of porno mags and videos and keep living the jerk-off’s life; (c) find a young whore and marry her; or (d) go into porn in my old age and document for the world to see how good I am acting as a filthy, nasty geezer? Thank you for your feedback.

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· Dr. Dick’s Sex Advice (drdicksexadvice.com)

My wife is gonna get a gang bang for Valentine’s Day. Shes like a total sex freak. I want to get something to bump it up. We tried a blindfold in the past, but it kept slipping down or up when things got heavy. I was thinking about a hood but what kind should I get?

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· Love Bites (eyeweekly.com)

How effective are cock rings at maintaining an erection longer? I have also heard that they can offer a different pleasurable feeling than going au naturel — is this myth or truth?

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· Sex Project Forums (sex-project.com)

So today my GF and I decided to have sex for the first time … The only problem with this was that my erection was only about half of what it usually is when i masturbate, and though her touching me felt very good i had a hard time maintaining what little of a boner i had. … I generally dont have a difficult time getting a firm erection when I masturbate, but I read that over masturbating can cause weak erections, which i am probably guilty of since I’ve been doing it 1-3 times a day lately.

I didn’t feel nervous really, just kinda annoyed that my dick wouldnt cooperate when i needed it to work its magic

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· Dear Prudence (slate.com)

My son is in his last year of high school, and he will be 18 soon. I recently discovered that his girlfriend of less than a month has sent him many nude photos of herself. She took the pictures with her cell phone and sent them to his phone. You can see from most of the photos that she took them while standing in front of the mirror. The other photos are close-ups of her parts.

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· Open Up: The Pucker Up Forums (puckerup.com)

However, I have been wondering how many men out there love dropping a load on their womens faces. Also, how many women love getting a load exploaded on their faces. If you enjoy it, why do you, and what was your first time like.

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· In & Out (timeout.com/chicago)

I’ve never been with a guy who refused sex during my period. I know it’s messy and a little inconvenient, but do you have any insight to this aversion?

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· Savage Love (thestranger.com)

My new guy is not happy that I have a collection of toys or that I watch porn, have been to strip clubs, etc. He likes “regular” sex and he refuses to use toys or do anything in the adventurous realm. How do I even talk with him about what I like without scaring him off? I love being tied up and spanked! Plus he has never done oral and doesn’t even want to try! HELP!!!

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Previously: Best of Sex Advice Archive

Original post by Dashiell Bennett

There are roughly 45 million Americans in this country who have no health insurance, which means 45 million people who must rely on letters to advice columnists for all their medical treatment. (Most of their prescription refills too.) Even if you do have a doctor, it can be embarrassing to tell them that there is something wrong with your wiener or ask them about the unexpected discharge, so asking the entire world through the forum of a newspaper or website is pretty your best course of action. Oh, and that rash? You should probably get someone to look at that soon.

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· Date Girl (seattleweekly.com)

I wondered why this guy was still single in his mid-30s, and I finally found out: He has an erectile disorder … How can I be sensitive without becoming his sex therapist?

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· Dr. Dick’s Sex Advice (drdicksexadvice.com)

I love my cunt. In fact you could say I have a cunt fetish. I love to stuff my cunt with really big toys. My current BF introduced me to fist fucking and I love it. I guess what I want to know is can this be dangerous?

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· All Sex Advice Forum (allsexadvice.com)

hi, just wanted to ask if anyone has had sex during a period, because my bf wants to try it and doesnt mind about the bleeding and that but im unsure if its worth it cause although i am always horny at “that time” i dont feel attractive

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· Body & Soul (timesonline.co.uk)

I suffer from numbness of the mouth and have small lumps inside my cheek. Could this have anything to do with my giving oral sex to boyfriends in the past?

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· Dear Prudence (slate.com)

My wife and I slept together in the nude every night, even after having kids. … When I discussed this topic with my new love, she made it clear that she would never sleep naked with kids in the house. I don’t want to give up this relationship, but would like this one request honored, yet she refuses. What should I do?

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· In & Out (timeout.com/chicago)

I’m interested in doing a safe experiment on myself with a penis pump or extender. I think it is possible to achieve at least small gains in size. I’d like to keep a log, and if you want to track progress let me know.

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· Talk Sex With Sue Johanson (talksexwithsue.com)

After hearing that call about the man who had fluid coming from his
rectum during ejaculation … There is a such thing as a “rectourethral fistula” in which a fistula (an abnormal connection between two organs) develops between the urethra and the rectum

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· Stacey Grenrock Woods (esquire.com)

What’s the best thing to do in that kind of awkward moment immediately after you have sex with a woman for the first time?

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· Love Bites (eyeweekly.com)

Is it true that couples in the busy years (kids, work, etc.) have so many competing obligations that merely reducing the amount of housework the woman does has no effect on the amount of sex a couple has?

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· Jersey Girls (providencedailydose.com)

I’m a straight woman who really enjoys watching gay porn … I don’t bring my porn into the bedroom (it’s only for my own viewing pleasure, plus, I KNOW he wouldn’t be into it) but I wonder, why does all that hot gay action turn me on?

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Previously: Best of Sex Advice Archive

Original post by Dashiell Bennett