Newseater - Adult Edition

The Motels (”Take the L out of ‘lover’ and it’s ‘over’”) is my choice for Awfulest Band of the 80’s, but it had a canon. Taco’s lone hit was a cover.

I remember this very clearly: I was at the home of someone who is now a Facebook friend and we were bored, and both of us knew it. Suddenly he turned on the radio, muttering “Wonder if Taco has a new song. ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’ is awesome.”

I hate Taco’s version of “Puttin’ on the Ritz” so much, and Taco for doing it, that I can’t help thinking about it every time I encounter a similar metrical construction, such as this week’s title. And, Dear Fleshbot Readers, this happens a lot more than you’d think. “For a wonderful time” it is not.

To refresh (shudder) your memory or create nightmares:

So your task this week is to banish my demons with your own parody version (text only, don’t wear yourself out) of “Puttin’ on the Ritz” using this week’s gapetastic title. (And, parenthetically, big props to last week’s winner.)

· Vouyer Media (vouyermedia.com)
· Buy “Diggin in the Gapes 2″ (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Just last week a reader traveled back to the “Diver Down” era to rename a porn movie “People Fucking.” And yet this week we get the most obvious title in the world, 25 years late.

Of course anything with Cassandra Calogera in it is “Jerkoff Material.” If she were riding the bus, the destination window would say Jerkoff Ahead. Where most people say “Bye” when hanging up the phone, Cassandra Calogera’s friends sign off with “Jerking Off Now!”

I hear she even greets people at holiday barbecues with specific areas in the yard where people can jerk off to her. It’s like she’s a cyborg crafted from space age alloys and jerkoff material.

So your job this week is to come up with a title that is less obvious but still takes into account there are fleshy minxes lolling about on the cover demanding to be jerked off to.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy “Jerkoff Material 2″ (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

What do Hairy Pussies and Coca Cola Classic have in common? They’re both retronyms: names created when the original word was no longer descriptive enough. Forgive me, Dr. Lederer.

There was a time when all pussies were hairy. Who would think of shaving them? And once upon a time Coca Cola was just that, until the famous Formula changed, the public bawked, and the original version had to be brought back and renamed Coca Cola Classic.

But now that even your mom shaves her parts, we need titles like “Hairy Pussy P.O.V.” to let us know that we are about to witness some kind of freakshow.

Fleshbot readers, be like unto last week’s happy few and tell us what this movie might have been called had it been released in 1984.

· Richard Lederer (verbivore.com)
· Buy “Hairy Pussy POV” (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

“We have looked into the anus, and it is us,” someone once said. While the font of Evil Angel’s “Deep Anal Abyss 2″ doesn’t impart the despair Adrianna Nicole must be feeling, I’d Camus her.

Fleshbot Readers, your answers to last week’s contest were so thoughtful that we thought we’d resurrect another chestnut from sophomore year in high school that re-emerged meaning something totally doifferent freshman year in college: “The Stranger.”

While all porn (aside from “Naked Happy Girls“) reveals a darkness, please create for this week a porn title that would make a Galois-smoking, coffee-rank, beturtlenecked and Algiers-lounging existentialist proud.

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)
· Buy “Deep Anal Abyss 2″ (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante

Lisa Ann looks so tempting and accessible on this boxcover that it makes us sad that she’s crazy. Poor thing. What? She’s not crazy? But the title of the - I don’t get it.

All right, so “Head Case” is a movie about blowjobs, I guess, according to the copy we received from the studio’s PR firm:

Not one ounce of liquid love is wasted as these girls suck and tug their way to your happiness.

…but you can forgive me for thinking from the title that the flick is about the Insane. It’s a common mistake. I am especially sensitive to this because I went to see “Titicut Follies” because I thought it was a porn movie.

So maybe that’s not what producers meant, at all.

In the room the women come and go
Talking about Fellatio

Your job this week is to mine porn titles from “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” and, if you’re especially skilled, you will be like last week’s winner and smooth us with long fingers.

· 3rd Degree Films (thirddegreefilms.com)
· Buy “Head Case 5″ (gamelink.com)

Original post by Gram Ponante